Being on My Own Side: Cultivating Inner Peace
Sometimes I have to remind myself: other people don’t determine my value - I do.
With the nature of my work, I spend a lot of time around people. Big groups, small groups, social settings of all kinds. And sometimes, I catch myself wondering if I fit in. If I’m good enough. If people even notice I'm there.
Why do I feel this way? Because occasionally, I notice someone treating me differently than they treat others. My instinct is to assume that if someone is giving more energy, attention, or kindness to someone else - even someone I’m standing right next to - then I must not be enough. Maybe I’m not attractive enough. Or maybe I’m too loud. Too much.
These used to be the kinds of thoughts that would stick, maybe even send me into a spiral. But not anymore. I don’t claim them now. They may occur, but they are not me.
The truth is, I can’t be liked by everyone. No one is. How others behave, where their focus is - it often has nothing to do with me at all. And even if it does, that’s okay too.
Sometimes I’ll be with a friend who draws a lot of attention. I might feel left with myself. But not by myself - WITH myself. And that shift in thought has made a difference. I’m learning to change the way I process those moments. I’m working on making my mind and body a better place to be. That means showing up for myself, and not letting judgmental thoughts take over as if they’re facts.
I’ve also noticed a habit of seeking validation - from how I look, to who I am, to the decisions I make. Now that I’m aware of it, I can pause. I can remind myself that a thought isn’t always a truth.
When a thought like "No one knows me or likes me enough to talk to me,” pops into my head, I answer it with: “I don’t claim that. If no one’s talking to me right now, that’s okay. If someone doesn’t know me yet, that’s okay too. I like myself, and that’s enough. It’s okay if someone else is getting more attention.”
Sometimes talking to myself this way feels awkward. But honestly? It works. It might not feel deeply true right away, but it interrupts an old habit - and that’s how new ones begin. And right now, I’m in the habit of building better habits.
I’m learning that being on my side matters the most.
Finding beauty within myself is what matters - not whether someone else finds me beautiful.
Backing my own decisions is what matters - not whether someone else agrees with them.
Liking who I am is what matters - not whether someone else does.
This is ongoing work. A process. But it matters deeply to me - to feel good in my body, at peace in my mind. We all deserve that.
