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Sometimes I have to remind myself: other people don’t determine my value - I do.

With the nature of my work, I spend a lot of time around people. Big groups, small groups, social settings of all kinds. And sometimes, I catch myself wondering if I fit in. If I’m good enough. If people even notice I'm there.

The other day on TikTok, I saw a video of a girl sitting in her car talking herself through the anxiety she felt about having to go to an event. I thought back to situations where I felt the same way and saw how I also tend to talk myself through these situations. I realized small actions can help us move through situations that trigger anxiety.

I used to think of self-care as a dedicated, uninterrupted ritual- a long bath, an hour at the gym, a massage.

But with three very young kids, I’ve had to completely reimagine what it means to take care of myself. There’s rarely a seven-step skincare routine. No gym classes. For a while, I felt bogged down by the thought that I didn’t get any time to myself. But I’ve come to realize-that was just a story. I do get time. It just doesn’t always look the way I want it to. Lately, I’ve been playing with the idea of microdosing self-care.

After that all I could think about was what happened to me when I was a teenager. It was clear I didn’t have a choice anymore. This part of me was not going anywhere. That’s how I found myself talking to a new therapist on a farm. I had chosen equine therapy for two reasons. One, I had heard that working with animals could help me to trust people again. And two, I thought I may be able to skip right over the speaking about the horrible thing that I labeled all my fault, and just ride horses.

Recently, I have found myself on the verge of burnout. Balancing work and personal responsibilities has felt overwhelming at times, as though I am neglecting myself in order to keep up with everyday tasks. Sometimes it feels like life has become less about living and more about keeping up with the piling responsibilities. Here are 7 Simple Ways to Manage Stress -

I was eighteen, and I would have sworn I was in love.

But, was love supposed to be inconsistent, painful, and confusing? And could I truly love someone else if I didn’t yet love myself? 

I started dating my first boyfriend—let’s call him Calvin—when I was a senior in high school.

There’s a cliché that says, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” Lately, I’ve come to understand this in a new way.

Filling your cup is an art, and it looks different for everyone. For me, it’s a mix of alone time, quality moments with loved ones, play, fun, rest, movement and nourishing meals. It also means living more consciously - recognizing when I’m giving someone a heavy pour with no end in sight.

“Ma’am your bag will not fit in the overhead bins, you’ll have to check it.” Says an indifferent airline employee as I hand her my ticket to get on my flight from Los Angeles to Toronto.

 “Are you sure?” I plead.

“Yes. Please step aside.”  My palms are sweaty. My voice stammers. I feel a lump in my throat. My breathe becomes more and more shallow. This bag has to fit on this flight.

I’m at a point in my healing journey where I’m much more aware of things... painfully aware of things, sometimes. It’s a good thing to be aware - it shows me what needs to change - but it can also be deeply uncomfortable.

I notice when someone isn’t a good communicator. I see who struggles to hold themselves accountable. I can read between the lines of people’s words, actions, or lack thereof.

Sometimes I think about what I could say if I had my past self in front of me. As I've grown, let go, healed, experienced new things: I think of how much of what I know now that I would love to teach her.

If anyone had asked me if I ran prior to 2018, I would have responded, “I’m not a runner,” probably paired with an overdone joke about what would make me run—like a bear. Funny enough, I have run away from a bear, but that’s a story for another day. Back in 2018, I was going through a lot in my life, and I had just learned about a psychology theory whose main point was that we create narratives in our heads—and we maintain them to appear consistent.

I am a rape survivor. This is something I say proudly these days. Proud? Yes. Why? Because for a long time I could not even utter the word rape, and now I can speak the truth of the worst things I have survived. So, recently I found myself incredibly triggered when I was reading a book where the author implied that by stating “I am a rape survivor” it means that I am overly identifying with this experience, and that I would be better off not identifying with it at all and letting it go. She seemed to believe I’d be free if I let it go.

Communicating our emotions with our partner is a practice that many of us struggle with daily. There are so many reasons why we might hesitate to express our feelings: fear of being abandoned, judged, or misunderstood, to name a few. If we grew up with parents or caregivers who were emotionally volatile or unavailable, we probably felt safer keeping our emotions to ourselves and pretending everything was okay. We feared rocking the boat with our “inconvenient” feelings that revolted adults—or worse—went completely unnoticed.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (also known as ACT) is a type of therapy that focuses on changing the relationship with difficult thoughts and feelings. It teaches skills to end the fight with ruminating thought patterns, and instead guides the person to reflect on, choose, and live their values. The idea is that you don’t have to get rid of your anxiety, trauma, or depression to start living more fully and meaningfully.

Why can’t I just let it go? This is a question I find myself pondering recently. I look back on the last seven years, and can see clearly how I lived in an endless loop of triggers, flashbacks, and challenging emotions that I had no idea how to process. I had to find a way to make sense of things that most people won’t even talk about. It was a day-by-day struggle to get to where I am. Now that I feel so much better, I look back and struggle to find the words to describe this healing journey I’ve been on.

Therapy is very helpful for many people on their healing journeys, but finding a great therapist can feel overwhelming. Not all therapists are created equal and they often specialize in different types of trauma/problems and healing modalities.

In the last several years, I’ve prioritized growth and healing. I’ve been through a lot. I was so far from who I really am, stuck playing the roles other people in my life wanted me to play. I made decisions based on everyone else’s opinions and direction, never my own.

Healing from betrayal is hard. It has physical and emotional fallouts and is likely to bring previously undealt with traumas to the surface. The healing journey will be tough, but it will be so worth it in the end.

These are 25 self love affirmations. You can pick one to work with, you can work with them all, or if none of these resonate, begin to think about what you do want to affirm about yourself and write your own!

These are 25 affirmations to assist you with body image acceptance and healing. You can pick one to work with, you can work with them all, or if none of these resonate, begin to think about what you do want to affirm about yourself and write your own!