Blog

Everyone wants to feel validated. It’s human nature to want to feel accepted by others. We all want to know that how we think, feel, and act is justified. We don’t want to feel crazy or alone. In the age of AI, instant validation is quite literally in the palm of our hand.

The roller coaster of relationships in your 20s is quite the ride. As someone deep in my healing journey for almost five years, it’s been interesting to reflect on. From partners to family to friends, so much changes - including yourself.

You're not failing at your healing journey. You're drowning in information overload. It’s no secret that healing is trending. With an abundance of resources combined with the accessibility of social media, there’s never been a better opportunity for personal growth. But healing isn’t a “gotta catch ‘em all” process.

Grounding is a very helpful practice that can support you throughout your healing journey. Grounding refers to techniques that help us reconnect with the present moment, especially when we feel anxious, overwhelmed, or triggered. It’s also useful when negative flashbacks, unwanted memories, or stressful thoughts arise.

Long-term grief - It’s been over 10 years since my dad died, and the grief is still present. This is how I would describe my grieving process after 12 years without him. Sometimes I think I understand the cycles of grief.

Attachment issues have been a popular interest in the healing space over the past several years. While it’s great that we’re now aware of the topic and its effect on our behavior, we seem to be reaching a counterintuitive level of awareness. They’ve almost become a part of our identity. Instead of using them to understand each other, we’re using them to remain misunderstood.

Finding out who I am has been a beautiful process. In the past, when faced with that question, I would list the traits I carried, the masks I wore, the roles I played - but that wasn’t the same as knowing myself. I could name traits like kind, funny, thoughtful. But to know yourself beyond some personality traits is a treasure that somehow many people have seemed to have lost.

As a survivor of rape, I wrote these gentle affirmations to support your journey healing from sexual assault and rape. Healing takes time, self-love, and deep compassion. May these words remind you: you are worthy of feeling safe, loved, and powerful.

I have a big heart. I get my feelings hurt a lot. I care deeply. And that’s okay. I love my big heart and the way I love and care for others. But mixed in with that love is some clutter - things I sometimes disguise as sensitivity or kindness. People-pleasing. Approval-seeking. That kind of clutter.

Choosing our core values is a way to align our lives with what matters most to us. When we know our core values, we can make decisions that reflect who we are and who we want to become.

Worry is inevitable. Our minds latch onto problems the moment they arise, and before we can acknowledge it, we are spiraling into stress, anxiety, and overwhelm. A worry chart is a simple, quick & effective way to rewire the brain to respond differently to life’s challenges.

There was a point along my healing journey where I realized self-love was a very important missing piece. In a society that teaches us to be hard on ourselves, I came to understand that it was my responsibility to unlearn and re-teach myself. Our mothers and fathers were taught these beliefs, which were passed down - consciously or not.

“What am I doing with my life?”

My therapist smiles. “You ask this question every week. It’s too big. A life is a long time. It must feel stressful always worrying about this.” 

She’s right. It does feel stressful, and also daunting. But then why can’t I let it go?

Let’s be honest, journaling can become a tedious task on the healing journey. Sometimes instead of helping, it becomes one more thing on the to-do list. This can feel stressful or overwhelming, which is the opposite of what we are trying to achieve. 

I remember a time not too long ago where every single day I lived with deep anxiety, fear, regret and uncertainty. I often asked myself if I would feel this way forever. I asked people for their perspective, wondering if it was possible to go a full day without ruminating on thoughts or memories that pulled me down.

Choosing myself isn’t always the easy answer. It often feels like the toughest choice to make. I like helping others, and making others happy. Why should I choose myself? Isn’t that being selfish? But recently, someone told me - ‘how can you help others if you won’t help yourself first?’ The truth stung.

Let hard things soften you. Sometimes I think life tries to send us messages. Sometimes they come as gentle nudges, other times they hit like a freight train. If we ignore the subtle hints, they tend to come back louder and impossible to miss. Over the last year or so, one message has kept resurfacing for me: release control. It’s shown up in different ways, over and over again.

Currently, I am outgrowing who I thought I was. And let me tell you, it’s uncomfortable. What does it mean when you outgrow who you thought you were? When you outgrow who you thought you were, it means you’re growing and evolving from a version of yourself that no longer aligns with who you are becoming. It feels like people, goals, and daily routines no longer bring you the satisfaction or joy they once did.

Sometimes I have to remind myself: other people don’t determine my value - I do.

With the nature of my work, I spend a lot of time around people. Big groups, small groups, social settings of all kinds. And sometimes, I catch myself wondering if I fit in. If I’m good enough. If people even notice I'm there.

The other day on TikTok, I saw a video of a girl sitting in her car talking herself through the anxiety she felt about having to go to an event. I thought back to situations where I felt the same way and saw how I also tend to talk myself through these situations. I realized small actions can help us move through situations that trigger anxiety.

After that all I could think about was what happened to me when I was a teenager. It was clear I didn’t have a choice anymore. This part of me was not going anywhere. That’s how I found myself talking to a new therapist on a farm. I had chosen equine therapy for two reasons. One, I had heard that working with animals could help me to trust people again. And two, I thought I may be able to skip right over the speaking about the horrible thing that I labeled all my fault, and just ride horses.

Recently, I have found myself on the verge of burnout. Balancing work and personal responsibilities has felt overwhelming at times, as though I am neglecting myself in order to keep up with everyday tasks. Sometimes it feels like life has become less about living and more about keeping up with the piling responsibilities. Here are 7 Simple Ways to Manage Stress -

I was eighteen, and I would have sworn I was in love.

But, was love supposed to be inconsistent, painful, and confusing? And could I truly love someone else if I didn’t yet love myself? 

I started dating my first boyfriend—let’s call him Calvin—when I was a senior in high school.

There’s a cliché that says, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” Lately, I’ve come to understand this in a new way.

Filling your cup is an art, and it looks different for everyone. For me, it’s a mix of alone time, quality moments with loved ones, play, fun, rest, movement and nourishing meals. It also means living more consciously - recognizing when I’m giving someone a heavy pour with no end in sight.

“Ma’am your bag will not fit in the overhead bins, you’ll have to check it.” Says an indifferent airline employee as I hand her my ticket to get on my flight from Los Angeles to Toronto.

 “Are you sure?” I plead.

“Yes. Please step aside.”  My palms are sweaty. My voice stammers. I feel a lump in my throat. My breathe becomes more and more shallow. This bag has to fit on this flight.

I’m at a point in my healing journey where I’m much more aware of things... painfully aware of things, sometimes. It’s a good thing to be aware - it shows me what needs to change - but it can also be deeply uncomfortable.

I notice when someone isn’t a good communicator. I see who struggles to hold themselves accountable. I can read between the lines of people’s words, actions, or lack thereof.

Sometimes I think about what I could say if I had my past self in front of me. As I've grown, let go, healed, experienced new things: I think of how much of what I know now that I would love to teach her.

I am a rape survivor. This is something I say proudly these days. Proud? Yes. Why? Because for a long time I could not even utter the word rape, and now I can speak the truth of the worst things I have survived. So, recently I found myself incredibly triggered when I was reading a book where the author implied that by stating “I am a rape survivor” it means that I am overly identifying with this experience, and that I would be better off not identifying with it at all and letting it go. She seemed to believe I’d be free if I let it go.

Why can’t I just let it go? This is a question I find myself pondering recently. I look back on the last seven years, and can see clearly how I lived in an endless loop of triggers, flashbacks, and challenging emotions that I had no idea how to process. I had to find a way to make sense of things that most people won’t even talk about. It was a day-by-day struggle to get to where I am. Now that I feel so much better, I look back and struggle to find the words to describe this healing journey I’ve been on.

Therapy is very helpful for many people on their healing journeys, but finding a great therapist can feel overwhelming. Not all therapists are created equal and they often specialize in different types of trauma/problems and healing modalities.