Reparenting Yourself with Kindness
The other day on TikTok, I saw a video of a girl sitting in her car talking herself through the anxiety she felt about having to go to an event. You can check it out here! :) I thought back to situations where I felt the same way and saw how I also tend to talk myself through these situations. I realized small actions can help us move through situations that trigger anxiety.
About a week ago, I was online shopping for a new laptop. I saw one I liked but I wanted to see it in person so I could try it out. I drove to Best Buy and as I parked the car I took a deep breath. I felt anxious knowing that I would likely have to talk with a sales associate. Talking to strangers is something that always triggers my anxiety. I have been working on it for years, sometimes it’s easier but that day it felt tough. I kept telling myself “It’s okay, go inside and start looking at the computer you want. If someone comes up to you just take a small breath and be yourself.”
As I walked in and looked around, I felt my anxiety begin to ease. No one approached me, and I felt my guard come down as I began to feel safe. Suddenly, someone popped up out of nowhere. I felt my anxiety rise again. But then I remembered “take a breath and be yourself.” So, that's exactly what I did. The sales guy, who was about my age, turned out to be friendly and I felt my anxiety start to drift away. Just as the girl in the TikTok was reparenting herself by talking through the event she had to go to, I had done the same thing without even realizing it. This was an example of me reparenting myself with kindness.
Sometimes it’s not that easy. Honestly, most of the time it’s not that easy.
But change begins when we begin noticing and acknowledging these patterns and emotions. Sometimes that looks like small moments, like my visit to Best Buy. Other times, it means changes that feel bigger, like ending friendships or relationships that no longer support our well-being. Throughout the past year, I realized I was in relationships with unhealthy dynamics. I was constantly seeking validation outside of myself and feeling less than everyone around me. That’s why it’s so important to pause and reflect on what is no longer serving you, and begin practicing what it means to be a loving parent to yourself.
Also, it’s important to remember that reparenting yourself doesn’t mean you had bad parents, I personally feel I had parents that were loving and cared deeply about me. It just means that sometimes they didn’t handle a situation how you needed it to be handled, which doesn’t mean they didn’t do their best. Reparenting yourself is giving yourself the love, validation and safety you deserve, especially in situations where you may have not received it in the past. Give yourself grace while navigating this journey.
So, where do we start on this reparenting journey? Everyone' s journey is different and unique but below are a couple suggestions to help get you started:
5 practices for Reparenting Yourself
1.Come with Curiosity, Not Criticism 🔍
Be a safe space for yourself, don’t judge when you realize you feel or react a certain way. Give yourself compassion to see these feelings at hand. I recommend giving episode 56: How to Stop a Negative Thought Cycle: The 4 C's a listen! It describes the 4 C’s (Catch it, Cue Breathing, Curious, & Compassion)
2. Practice Self-Compassion 🩵
Instead of reacting harshly to yourself when you feel overwhelmed or feel like you did something wrong, try saying to yourself: “I am safe. I am loved. I am worthy of being here and being myself”
3. Validate Your Emotions 🌧️☀️
When certain emotions arise, don’t dismiss them but rather acknowledge them and validate them. Those feelings arise for a reason, allow them space and sit with them. “Why do I feel this way? What caused these emotions to arise? What do I need at this moment?” You can even try talking to your emotions, for example - hi anxiety, I see you, what is that you want me to know?
4. Set Boundaries for Yourself ✋
When you feel unsafe or unloved, imagine your child self in these situations. How would you ‘protect’ your child self? Would you allow others to speak unkindly to your child self? Practice setting boundaries for yourself by acknowledging and honoring your child self. Remember that you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.
5. Celebrate the Small Wins 🎉
Acknowledge and celebrate yourself when you respond to yourself with kindness instead of criticism, that's a win! Every time you show up with intention, every time you choose kindness over self-judgement, you are showing up for yourself! These small wins help reparent yourself.
You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to keep choosing yourself, one moment at a time. It won’t always feel easy or natural, but every time you pause to offer yourself kindness, you’re reminding yourself that you are worth showing up for.
