Let Hard Experiences Soften You
Let hard things soften you
Sometimes I think life tries to send us messages. Sometimes they come as gentle nudges, other times they hit like a freight train. If we ignore the subtle hints, they tend to come back louder and impossible to miss.
Over the last year or so, one message has kept resurfacing for me: release control. It’s shown up in different ways, over and over again. I’ve been craving softness, ease, and a deeper connection with my feminine energy - but my default response tends to be the opposite. I jump in, take initiative, plan, remember all the moving parts, and follow through. But when I don’t let others step in and help - or when I do and it’s not done the way I imagined, or not done on my timeline - I don’t feel supported. I feel more stressed.
And still, it circles back to control. Wanting things done when I would do them. How I would do them. Wanting things said the way I’d say them. Sometimes, waiting to see if life or people will meet me where I am feels like a game of chicken. And instead of feeling ease or relief, it just keeps circling in my mind. Who will break first. Will I just end up swooping in and taking control?
Lately, life has given me clear reasons to let go. Just as I was stepping into what I planned to be one of the happiest, most stress-free chapters of my life (classic, right?), I was met with back-to-back crises. I found myself fighting to stay present while also clinging tightly to my plans, struggling to surrender. But each difficult moment chipped away at my grip. Each one was its own reminder: I’m not in control of everything.
And surprisingly, amid the overwhelm, I found so much meaning. Difficult times can harden a person, make them bitter or closed off. But I saw them as a chance to do the opposite. To let the hard things soften me. Life kept proving that control is an illusion - so why keep trying to fight it? I let myself feel - cry when I needed to, scream into a pillow if I was feeling angry - but then I came back to myself with a little more clarity each time.
These moments could have pushed me to build walls or tighten my grip, but instead, they reminded me that people will support me if I let them. I found myself holding more gratitude, even in what felt like chaos. Learning to see the good while still allowing space for the messy emotions that came with it.
My relationship with control is still a work in progress. But I’m welcoming in more ease. Learning to loosen my grip on the things that don’t need to be held so tightly. Because people can’t help me if I won’t let them. Life rarely goes according to plan, no matter how tightly I try to steer it - and that’s okay. I am okay. And I’m continuing to learn how to trust the flow of life, and the people who walk alongside me.
