When You Outgrow Who You Thought You Were
Currently, I am outgrowing who I thought I was. And let me tell you, it’s uncomfortable.
What does it mean when you outgrow who you thought you were?
When you outgrow who you thought you were, it means you’re growing and evolving from a version of yourself that no longer aligns with who you are becoming. It feels like people, goals, and daily routines no longer bring you the satisfaction or joy they once did. It often feels like you’re lost and not sure how to move out of these feelings. It can also feel depressing and anxiety-inducing.
Outgrowing who you once were can be an uncomfortable topic to talk about. It involves stepping out of comfort zones and breaking free from toxic environments. When we’re growing into new versions of ourselves, it can feel as though we are leaving people behind. Though it feels that way, I think it’s more that we’re moving in different directions, everyone’s journey is different.
It was only recently I was able to clearly see how over the last three years so much has happened and I had to change and adapt quickly. For me, the death of my dad brought about a lot of change that felt outside my control. I was forced to grow up quickly, get a stable job, and learn to navigate life in a new way. I thought that was it. This was now my new life.
But, recently, I once again am out growing who I thought I was. Over the last few months I realized, I’m no longer that version of myself. As I continue to heal from trauma from the past and present, I’ve found myself embracing a new version of me - one that I continue to grow into.
And while I welcome this change, I also have to remind myself - settling into this new version doesn’t happen overnight.
I was always known as quiet, people-pleasing, and introverted. That description doesn’t fit me anymore, and that realization wasn’t easy for me at first. The person I thought I was my whole life wasn’t there anymore. The girl that her dad knew wasn’t there anymore, the girl who kept me sane through Covid wasn’t there, and the girl who prioritized everyone’s happiness before her’s wasn’t there anymore. It’s a tough pill to swallow.
It’s like looking for an old jacket that doesn't fit, you go to put it on and you can't even put it on anymore and if you can it's uncomfortable and too tight. It doesn't bring the same comfort it once did. Even if you keep trying to go back and try to fit into the parts of who you were, it’s not going to bring the same comfort it once did. In fact, if you do, it’ll often hurt you instead of aiding you.
The important thing is that when we realize we no longer fit into the standards of our past self, we give ourselves permission to explore who we are becoming. Growth asks us to shed, not because our past selves were wrong, but because they were only ever meant to carry us so far.
Outgrowing who you thought you were doesn’t mean losing yourself. It means uncovering more of who you really are. It means honoring the chapters that shaped you, while knowing they don’t have to define the rest of your story.
Even when it feels confusing or painful, it is still progress. This is still healing. The in-between can feel isolating, but it’s also full of potential. A place where we get to ask, What do I want now? What feels like home now?
You don’t have to have all the answers. Sometimes, it’s just about being present enough to ask better questions, to listen a little deeper, and to trust that even if you don’t fully recognize yourself yet, you’re still becoming someone worth knowing.
So if you're in that place too, unsure, shedding old versions, and stepping into something new, just know you’re not alone. Give yourself grace. Keep going. The version of you that you’re growing into might just surprise you in the best way.
