Long-Term Grief Losing of a Parent
Long-term grief. It’s been over 10 years since my dad died, and the grief is still present. This is how I would describe my grieving process after 12 years without him.
Sometimes I think I understand the cycles of grief. At this point, I have really solid months, maybe even a year or so at a time, without feeling completely gutted when thinking about losing him.
I have long stretches of time where I don’t think about the fact that I’ve lost him at all. Times when, when I think of him, I don’t see him as a loss - I see him as the person he was, the warmth of the memories we share. I think of him like our relationship wasn’t severed, but instead took on a new shape. Like I haven’t fully lost him.
I know he is a part of me and around me, even if I can’t feel it often. These are times when I am living without a dark cloud over my thoughts or memories of him. It feels okay sometimes.
Then, grief will hit me again - 12 years later, when I’m driving home at the end of a great night, because I remembered something my mom said about him on the phone earlier that morning.
There I am, in the passenger seat, singing to the music in the car, happy - and it comes to a hard stop. Suddenly, I’m combing through details that haven’t even crossed my mind in years. I find myself sobbing. A bunch of feelings are flowing. It’s painful, but it also feels like release.
I think accepting my loss means accepting that sometimes a rush of emotion will come up unexpectedly. Feelings need to be felt - it’s uncomfortable, but it passes. It feels heavy during, and noticeably lighter afterward.
Grief will follow me throughout my life, I know. But if you’re reading this and you are grieving too, I want to reassure you that it’s not always painful. Many happy moments continue to come. There are so many beautiful things in life - including the fact that we get to love people so much that it hurts when we lose them.
