Learning to Protect My Big Heart
I have a big heart.
I get my feelings hurt a lot. I care deeply. And that’s okay. I love my big heart and the way I love and care for others.
But mixed in with that love is some clutter - things I sometimes disguise as sensitivity or kindness. People-pleasing. Approval-seeking. That kind of clutter. Sometimes I end up in a spiral and tell myself it’s just because I’m someone with a lot of feelings, but the truth is, most of these spirals are rooted in something I’m trying to let go of.
I can sit with the hard feelings - I am okay with that, even when it's uncomfortable. But I also want to be more discerning about where my energy goes. I don’t want to crash out over whether someone likes me, thinks I’m annoying, or any of those exhausting “what ifs.” I want to put my care where it truly belongs: in meaningful ways, like wanting the best for the people I love, not in wondering if strangers approve of me or if somebody feels negatively after I've shared how I feel.
I deserve to be sure of myself. To be on my own side. I want to keep my big heart, but care for it better - by not putting it through loops over things that don’t matter.
Who doesn’t want approval? The question is: what if that approval came from myself instead of chasing it from others?
Getting to that place isn’t easy. I do what I know - talk to myself, reassure myself when I start questioning superficial things. I try to pay more attention to where my energy goes, including my reactions to others. I’ve realized it’s not the interactions themselves that deplete me - it’s the worrying and panicking about all of the little things that were never mine to carry.
I know I feel a lot. I know I care a lot. But I’m on my way to a reality where I place that energy where it makes sense: grieving when there’s loss, worrying when someone I love is truly struggling. I’m not avoiding feelings. I’m just learning to give the right things weight, and to let the rest go.
