How I Learned to Love Myself
There was a point along my healing journey where I realized self-love was a very important missing piece. In a society that teaches us to be hard on ourselves, I came to understand that it was my responsibility to unlearn and re-teach myself. Our mothers and fathers were taught these beliefs, which were passed down - consciously or not. The questioning of whether we’re good enough, smart enough, capable enough, attractive enough - the list goes on.
One of my first major lessons in my healing journey was self-forgiveness. A key part of that was self-love. Working through guilt, offering myself forgiveness, and being kind to myself felt nearly impossible without first learning how to love myself. I had been incredibly hard on myself for my choices and mistakes. But taking the reins and doing the inner work helped me start to change my internal dialogue.
I often heard the phrase, “Talk to yourself the way you would a close friend" and it shifted everything for me. It didn’t feel natural at first - it felt silly, fake, awkward - but I did it anyway. Self-love exists on a wide spectrum, and for me, it means offering myself kindness and making sure the voice in my head is on my side.
We have so many thoughts in a day, and not all of them are even “ours.” The voice in my head sounds like me, but often it’s a repetition of things I heard growing up - from parents, media and more. It’s easy to mistake those thoughts as our truth. But once I learned that I am not my thoughts - and that I have the power to dismiss them - things began to shift.
I started telling myself, “This isn’t mine" when an unproductive or negative thought would show up. I found myself speaking to myself like a nurturing parent, “reparenting” myself. Every day, I choose to offer myself compassion and kindness. The more I practice, the more my inner voice continues to soften and evolve.
For example, if I look in the mirror and start criticizing myself, I catch it, apologize, and replace the thought with something loving. “My face looks weird when I laugh or smile too big” becomes “I love my smile, and when I laugh, I love that I can see joy on my face.” “This mistake was awful, and there’s no way you’re worthy of moving past it” becomes “I am not my mistakes. I am worthy of living in the present and moving forward.”
Changing my inner dialogue through self-talk has been a major part of my journey to self-love. Between my words and my breath, I’m better equipped to manage moments of spiraling or being triggered. We’re only human - these things still show up. Changing the voice in my head hasn’t made me immune to uncomfortable emotions; it’s just given me the tools to navigate them, and my day-to-day life, with more grace and intention.
