There Was a Time I Thought It Would Never Get Better - But it did
I remember a time not too long ago where every single day I lived with deep anxiety, fear, regret and uncertainty. I often asked myself if I would feel this way forever. I asked people for their perspective, wondering if it was possible to go a full day without ruminating on thoughts or memories that pulled me down. Some said yes, of course that day would come. Others said no, that I’d likely think about it every day but that I'd learn to get used to it.
Today, I’m grateful to say I go plenty of days, often weeks, without a single intrusive memory of my past crossing my mind. And when they do come up, they aren’t nearly as loud. They no longer dictate my mood or hijack my nervous system like they once did.
But when I was in it, I couldn’t imagine that day ever coming. And yet, here I am.
Along the way, I’ve also become more self-assured. I used to constantly look to others to figure out how to feel, a pattern I still catch myself in from time to time. I asked for reassurance often - many people, many times. But I was speaking from an open wound, not a healed scar, which meant I couldn’t always tell if the person I was turning to was actually in a place to offer guidance because I was so off-balance myself. Sometimes I got scary or unhelpful words and advice from people who were still deep in their own pain.
Thankfully, I also had some solid anchors along the way - people I admired, who had worked through their own trauma and come out the other side. Those were the voices I needed to listen to. But just as importantly, I had to learn how to support myself. I practiced being softer and kinder with the parts of me that were still hurting.
There were moments where everything felt better, and then suddenly I’d be low again. Healing isn’t linear - I wasn't going backwards or losing progress. Some of my lowest points brought me to deep lessons in self-love, forgiveness, and facing my pain head-on.
There was a time I didn’t know if I’d ever feel okay again. I didn’t know if I’d make it through.
But I did.
Now, I live many of my days softly, rooted in the present, no longer stuck in the past. And when the past shows up, it barely shakes me. It usually looks like a thought just passing by.
And to every version of myself who couldn’t see beyond the pain - to anyone else who needs this reminder:
It does get easier. You will feel okay again. Even if you can’t see the other side right now, trust that it’s there. You are already on your way.
