113: Repressed Memories of Childhood Trauma: How to Trust Yourself & Your Body
In this episode, I answer a listener question about processing repressed memories of childhood sexual trauma and how we can learn to trust ourselves. Throughout this episode, I discuss my own experiences with repressed memories of sexual trauma. I discuss how self-doubt is common when processing repressed memories of trauma, how to listen to your body, the importance of acceptance, and how to practice gentleness with yourself throughout this process. My intention is to offer you some solace if you too find yourself navigating the stormy waters of repressed memories and to help you to trust yourself and your own process for navigating this trauma response.
This post contains affiliate links to some of my favorite tools and resources. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. Full terms & conditions here.
Check out the Healing from Sexual Trauma Hub
Recommended Episodes 🎙️
Book Recommendations 📚
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk MD
Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter Levine
It Wasn't Your Fault: Freeing Yourself from the Shame of Childhood Abuse with the Power of Self-Compassion by Beverly Engel
Inner Child Resources✨
Timestamps ⏱️
Introduction: 0:15
Listener Question: 2:47
Outro: 30:44
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This podcast was transcribed by an AI tool called Castmagic. Please forgive any typos or errors.
Amanda Durocher [00:00:01]:
Welcome to New View Advice. I'm your host, Amanda Durocher, and I invite you to join me here each week as I offer advice on how to move through whatever problem or trauma is holding you back from living life to the fullest. Let's get started. Hi there, beautiful soul. My name is Amanda Durocher, and welcome to New View Advice. If you're new here, this is a healing centered advice podcast where I offer guidance for the healing journey. I do not believe I have all the answers you seek. I believe you have all the answers.
Amanda Durocher [00:00:26]:
You just may need a new view and a little help along the way. Thank you for joining me for today's episode. In today's episode, I am answering a listener question about processing repressed memories and how this process often creates self doubt and confusion. Processing repressed and forgotten memories in my own life has been one of the most confusing and painful experiences I have been through, So I very much related to the feelings of this question. And in this episode, I talk about my own experience processing repressed memories because, truthfully, as I mentioned, it was an extremely confusing time for me, but I also found it to be extremely liberating and helped me to trust myself on a deep, deep level. So though this process is not a fun one to go through, it's extremely hard. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. It's also very freeing because the memories that have been repressed have always lived within us.
Amanda Durocher [00:01:14]:
So if you are someone navigating this experience, though it is so painful and it can be so hard to navigate, I want you to remember that the information that is coming forward for you to look at, to process, to witness, to feel, and to heal has always lived within you. And when our bodies do bring this information forward for us to process, it is extremely painful, but that pain has been in our bodies the entire time. And that's why it is liberating to process this information. Because what I have found is that when we process it, it's like burdens are lifted out of our body. These rocks we have been carrying, we no longer need to carry, but it takes time to navigate this process. So in this episode, we discuss how though it's a very confusing process and often creates self doubt, it teaches us to trust our bodies and to trust ourselves. I also talk about why acceptance is important for healing repressed memories and the importance of gentleness throughout this process. My intention for this episode is to offer you some solace if you too find yourself navigating the stormy waters of repressed memories and to help you to trust yourself in your own process for navigating this trauma response.
Amanda Durocher [00:02:21]:
If you haven't already, I invite you to check out my website after this episode. This question discusses childhood sexual trauma. And on my website, I do have a resource hub for healing from sexual trauma, and you can find that at newviewadvice. Com, and you can find today's episode show notes at newviewadvice.com/113. So with that, let's jump on into today's listener question. Dear Amanda, for the last couple of years, I've been processing early childhood sexual traumas around my dad. I have a few memories of him showering with me and trying on pantyhose. But about a year ago, I did a brainspotting session with my therapist that pulled up a suppressed memory of my dad taking me to a movie and him pleasuring himself during the film.
Amanda Durocher [00:03:06]:
I was probably around 6 or 7. I'm currently 49 years old. The brain spotting session was very intense, and it felt like I was back in that event including physical sensations and smells. My question is this, how reliable are memories we bring up during a brain spotting session or EMDR session? I ask because I'm still conflicted in knowing if this memory is truly real or something that I made up. For the most part, I believe it happened, but I always have this thought that I may have just made it up, probably because I'm having a hard time believing my dad did this. Thank you so much for this question. I am so sorry that you are currently navigating the experience of processing childhood sexual abuse and repressed memories. As you know from the podcast, I too went through this process, and it can be very confusing, overwhelming, and truly heartbreaking.
Amanda Durocher [00:03:52]:
First, I wanna say that the process here you described sounds very similar to my own, so I do wanna validate that I believe this is part of the process of processing repressed memories. And how I saw my own experience in your question is that you mentioned that before this memory came up, you were processing 2 other memories. That reminds me a lot of my experience personally. What I have found throughout the process of repressed memories is that we only get one memory or one piece of the memory at a time. So from what I'm personally hearing in your question is that your body gave you the showering and the pantyhose first to process. And then when you accepted those because in your question, it sounds like you accept those as truth. Then you were given this next memory that sounds a little bit more graphic, a little bit more traumatic for you likely. There were likely new beliefs taken on in that moment in the movie theater.
Amanda Durocher [00:04:44]:
And I mentioned that because I found that through my process is that as we're processing repressed memories, we're only given what we can handle at a time. It's a very common trauma response when we cannot handle something in the moment, especially as children. I think this is very common in childhood experiences. We repress it. We forget it. It's a way our mind and body can continue to move forward. So as a child, you're experiencing trauma and abuse, and you did not have the choice to leave that home. You were a child.
Amanda Durocher [00:05:13]:
You were 6 or 7, you mentioned in your question. And so your body did what it had to do in order to protect you at the time. And then we repress that memory. We forget those memories. And then when we are ready, when we have created enough safety within ourselves, those memories are able to come up to the surface to be processed. I mention this all because the concept of repressed memories is honestly sort of a crazy concept when you first learn about it because it often is about things that happened years or even decades ago, and it's mind boggling. It's mind boggling that we could forget such traumatic things. You know, when I was first coming to terms with my own repressed memories, I couldn't believe that I could quote, unquote forget these experiences.
Amanda Durocher [00:05:59]:
Wouldn't I remember these in great detail because they're the most painful things I've ever experienced? No. Actually, the body and the mind are wired for survival, and they do what they have to do to survive. And for some of us, that includes repressing this trauma. And so, unfortunately, today, if you Google repress memories, it's still debated by researchers because memory isn't something we can exactly prove scientifically. Memory is personal. It's within our minds. Right? We can't exactly prove a memory. I googled repressed memories before answering this question, and the Internet has improved since I first googled repressed memories in 2018 when my memories began returning.
Amanda Durocher [00:06:42]:
But it's still not the most helpful Google results, so I do hope to offer you a new point of view on this through my own experience. It's a process that I don't think I've dived super deep into before on the podcast because, as you know from your experience, it's not really an explainable process. It's very, very difficult to articulate. I will try my best here to articulate it, but it's a process where you learn to trust yourself because you know what your body is communicating to you. And when we begin healing, it can feel like a rabbit hole that we've fallen down and we wonder when will this ever end? Will this ever end? Trust me. It does end. The rabbit hole, there is a bottom to it, but it takes time and it often takes years as you mentioned. I mention this because you said you've been processing sexual trauma for years, and it took me years as well.
Amanda Durocher [00:07:35]:
Think about how long you repressed this trauma. Truthfully, if you heal this in 10 years, that's still so much shorter than the 30, 40 years you were living with this repress. So be patient with yourself. It's a big part of the process. But in today's world, we want everything to move fast, fast, fast, and we can't even fathom something taking years. For me, it took 6 years to process my repressed memories, and it's the process is going to take as long as it's going to take because your body is not going to give you any information or any more pieces of the puzzle or any more of the trauma that needs to be processed until you are ready. I truly believe that we do not get more than we are ready for. And it can be very frustrating, but I just wanna reassure you to trust yourself throughout this process.
Amanda Durocher [00:08:20]:
And for you, this trauma involves your father, so that adds a very complicated layer. And so there's likely a lot of beliefs around your father. As you mentioned, you're actually struggling to believe this happened because you're struggling to believe what it means about your father, not what it means about your life and your experience. My guess is when this came up, you felt truth in your body, but you are grappling with having to rewrite a truth about your father. Because we have stories that we live throughout our life, beliefs that we live by, ways we see the world, And processing repressed memories involves you unraveling all the beliefs you had about the world. That's what makes it so freaking confusing. So for me, when my memories came back of being sexually assaulted in my childhood, the most mind boggling part of it was that my entire worldview shattered, and I had to rewrite the way I saw the world, the way I saw myself, the way I saw life, the way I saw everyone who was a part of my childhood, the way I saw my relationships in the present. Everything was from a new lens.
Amanda Durocher [00:09:21]:
And so not only are you grappling with trauma that deserves its time to be processed, to be felt, to be grieved, you are also seeing the world in an entirely new way. And you're seeing yourself in an entirely new way. And for you, you're seeing father in an entirely new way, and that is a lot to go through at one time. And before I dive into a few suggestions for you in how to trust yourself, I just wanna say that at the end of the day, people can and maybe will call you crazy or they won't believe you. I know that's been true in my life. But this process is gonna be about you trusting yourself and trusting your body. Sadly, knowing the truth of what happened isn't going to take away the pain, and it's not gonna take away what happened. As pain has been living in your body.
Amanda Durocher [00:10:06]:
It has always been there. Even though it feels like you just learned this information, it truly has always been there, and a part of you always did know this. A deep, deep part of you that has been suppressed and repressed for a very long time. An example I wanna use for how I see processing repressed memories is that, say you have a car and this car has a warning light on, and you can't figure out why this warning light is on, But it's pointing you that something's wrong. The car still functions. You're still able to drive it. You're still able to move about your day, but there's something off, and you can't identify what it is. You may even bring it into mechanics.
Amanda Durocher [00:10:44]:
You may ask other people. No one can tell you why this warning light is on. And then one day, you figure it out. You figure out what the problem with your car is, and shoot, it is so much bigger than you expected, and it is gonna take a lot of time and resources for you to fix this problem. But the problem was always there, and it was getting worse and worse until you knew what it was. And once you know what it is, though it's gonna take time and resources to fix this car, you are able to fix it, or in a human example, you're able to heal it. And when you do, your car will be running brand new. You'll have a brand new car, and this car will move better than ever before.
Amanda Durocher [00:11:24]:
And so processing repressed memories is like having a warning light on. You didn't know what the problem was, and now you do know what that problem is. So I also wanna say here that I don't know if it helps in any way, but I wanna say that I believe you. I know this process, and I believe that you went through some horrible and traumatic experiences in your childhood. I do believe that you are processing repressed memories, and I do believe it's a very confusing process and that this too shall pass, and you will know your truth at the end of this. I do wanna mention to anybody listening, if you're like, what is brain spotting? What is EMDR? These are 2 psychotherapy techniques that are used to help individuals process trauma, emotional distress, and other psychological issues. I'm not gonna talk too much about what those are today, but I do invite you to do your own research and to Google brain spotting and EMDR if you have experienced trauma and you think maybe something like this could be helpful for you. But today, I'm really gonna focus on the repressed memories part of this question.
Amanda Durocher [00:12:17]:
So the next thing I wanna discuss is I really wanna dive into this self doubt, because I believe self doubt will always arise when processing repressed memories, and you are not alone in believing what happened to you and also doubting yourself. I think self doubt is very common for many reasons. It's so hard to articulate the process of repressed memories. The only way I have ever been able to say it is that it's a process of feeling the most sane and the most insane at the same time. Maybe that resonates for you or maybe it doesn't. But for me, when new memories arise that I've repressed or new layers of trauma, it's so affirming when they first arise. It's also so painful. Because as I mentioned with that car example, there were red flags and signs and feelings in my body that I could not explain for so long, and these are validated and affirmed by the repressed memory coming to the surface.
Amanda Durocher [00:13:07]:
And I mention this because with my experience processing repressed memories, I have this affirming moment, and then quickly after that affirming moment, I usually begin doubting myself. I start having thoughts of, is this true? How do I know this for sure? Am I crazy? Maybe I made this whole thing up. Am I being overdramatic? Am I sure? And I find that many of these thoughts arise because I think the mind is trying to keep us safe, but I also think we live in a world that has solidified in our minds the importance of facts and hard evidence. And when processing repressed memories, it's something we have to accept is that our body is the only hard evidence we're going to have that these experiences happened. And with this, there's a quote I heard that I wanted to share. I watched the documentary On the Record, and it's about sexual assault allegations against Russell Simmons, who was a hip hop mogul. And this documentary mostly features the story of Drew Dixon, who is a survivor of sexual assault. And she had this amazing quote that I've thought about over and over again.
Amanda Durocher [00:14:12]:
And she says in the documentary, my body is a crime scene. And this has stuck with me for so long because all the proof and all the evidence of what we experience throughout our lives lives in our bodies. And when we are processing sexual assault, repressed memories, childhood sexual trauma, our body is the crime scene. Our body knows what happened. Our body remembers. And with this, I wanna say here that I always recommend the book, The Body Keeps the Score, for people processing sexual trauma, but specifically repressed memories. This book is very dense, and it has a lot of information in it. But for me, when I read The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, he talks about repressed memories in it, and it was the first time I felt so validated in my experience.
Amanda Durocher [00:15:01]:
I was reading why my body responded the way it did. Because repressed memories is our trauma response. It is a way our body and our minds know how to process trauma in the moment. Most people don't experience experiences like you and I where we feel like our life is threatened, like our world is being shattered, and our bodies and minds have to respond within the moment. It is not until years later that most trauma survivors are able to process that trauma. Most people are not given a safe space within the moment, so the body and the mind have to find a way to cope, especially as children and for you especially that this was abuse done by your father. Your body and your mind did the best it could when you were 6 or 7. I want you to reassure yourself that.
Amanda Durocher [00:15:48]:
That though right now, you are processing some really painful things, That this happened to you when you were 6 or 7. Picture how young you were. I have tears coming to my eyes right now. No child deserves to be treated that way, and no child would ever know how to process that in the moment. And the fact that there are people in this world who look at childhood trauma and just don't get what it would be like to be a child, that's unfortunate for them. That's unfortunate for them. Anybody who judges this process, that's unfortunate that they don't understand what it would be like for a 6 or a 7 year old. Unfortunately, we live in a world that really isn't that empathetic or understanding in a lot of different ways.
Amanda Durocher [00:16:31]:
So when navigating this process, it's important for you to be empathetic towards yourself and very, very empathetic and gentle with that young child self. So when you are asking yourself how reliable these memories are, I obviously can't say for certain. Only you can. But I can say that to me from your question, it makes sense that this next memory arose. And as I've mentioned, I see my process and your process. I think they sound very similar with how more memories tend to come back as we process 1. The next one can come forward, and oftentimes, the next one can be a little bit more painful than the first one. It's almost like our body's like, here's the lightest one.
Amanda Durocher [00:17:11]:
Can you handle that? Here's a darker truth. Here's an even darker truth. Wow. You were able to process that? I'm gonna give you a darker truth. That's what I found with mine is that they tended to become a little darker, a little more painful, but I also had the tools. I was able to process them, and my body never gave it to me until I had those tools in place, until it knew, okay. You were able to process that. Now you can process this.
Amanda Durocher [00:17:37]:
I think our bodies are so intelligent. And navigating repressed memories connects us to our bodies, which is something we were disconnected from. Because when we live with repressed trauma, it disconnects us from ourselves. And so connecting back to ourselves is one of the gifts of going through this extremely painful process. And I don't call it painful to scare anybody off. I'm just assuming and maybe I'm making a bad assumption here, but I'm assuming that everybody who's going through this process understands how painful it is because you're navigating it yourself. And so this leads me into wanting to talk a bit more about the body and your relationship with your body. In your question, you said, the brain spotting session was very intense, and it felt like I was back at the event, including physical sensations and smells.
Amanda Durocher [00:18:23]:
So here you describe a very detailed and visceral reaction to your brain spotting session, and I find this very interesting. I've also found that when processing these experiences that it could be very visceral, and it's like you're back there. And I believe that's because the body has held on to this trauma for a very long time. It has held on to this experience. You disconnected from it in that moment, and so it's so visceral because none of it has been processed yet, and you are processing that now, and it takes time to process that. I think that part of healing repressed memories is, as I've said multiple times, it's learning how to trust your body. When I was grappling with self doubt throughout the process of repressed memories, I would go back to over and over again how the information landed in my body. So for me, truth feels grounding.
Amanda Durocher [00:19:12]:
These truths would elicit a lot of hard emotions, but I would feel grounded in my body when I received this information. And for me, when repressed memories come in, I have, like, a flash of insight. It's a full body knowing that, yes, this was true, and then my mind would come in and fight me. And the truth is I've been through this process enough. I've had enough layers come back over time, so many, that the process is the same every time. That now I just know the process, but it took time for me to understand that for me, it's often a flash of insight, a full body knowing, super hard feelings, and then the mind's going to attack me. The mind is then gonna attack me with self doubt. It's gonna call me crazy.
Amanda Durocher [00:19:50]:
It's gonna try to keep me from going deeper into this because it's trying to keep me safe. It's really such a inherent part of our body is survival. And so processing trauma often puts us into that survival mode, right, that fight or flight. And so we have to learn to connect back to our body, slow down, take care of ourselves in order to process this. Because with for you with your question, I believe that if you take the time to slow down and to be with yourself and to ask yourself in that quiet place, in meditation, in journaling, in nature, is this true about my dad? Your body will communicate to you what is true. But my guess is, as many trauma survivors are, you're often in that fight or flight place. When we're in fight or flight, the mind is often going crazy. So I just invite you when you're reflecting on this to also ask yourself, am I in fight or flight right now? Am I feeling stressed? Am I feeling overwhelmed? Or am I in a peaceful place and still doubting myself? Because I find that doubt is much more common when we're stressed and when we're stressing ourselves out and when we're judging ourself and we're in that fight or flight.
Amanda Durocher [00:20:55]:
It's when we're in that peaceful place where the truth arises, but we often run away from that place because what also lives there are really hard feelings. We often don't allow ourselves to slow down enough because we're avoiding the immense grief that needs to be felt. The heartbreak, the devastation, the despair, the fear that we won't survive how hard of an experience this is. I assure you, you will. You already survived it. These memories are only coming up because your body knows you are ready to be with these really hard feelings. And this leads me into the importance of acceptance when healing from repressed memories. I have found that a key part of processing repressed memories is believing yourself and accepting the truth.
Amanda Durocher [00:21:44]:
Now I also find that that means you have to accept the feelings and the body sensations and not attach to details and information that you haven't gotten yet or you may never get. When processing repressed memories, I have found that the mind, when I'm in that stress place, can become obsessed with details and getting information I hadn't received yet, and that would keep me stuck and from moving forward and from fully processing this, the obsession with details. When I was first processing being sexually assaulted in my childhood, I was obsessed with what was I wearing? Did this happen to me in the bedroom or the basement? I couldn't figure out if it was the bedroom or the basement. And for some reason that detail was so important to me. I actually didn't receive the answer to that question until I accepted this horrible thing happened to me. I know it happened to me. And I don't need to know what I was wearing, how I got there, or where exactly it happened, but I know this happened to me. And I accepted it fully, that I may not get any other information about that experience.
Amanda Durocher [00:22:46]:
But I accepted what my body had communicated. And once I accepted what my body had communicated, and then it gave me more information about that experience. And it was the same thing with my gang rape in my teen years. I also repressed and forgot that experience as well. And each time, I had to accept the information I had been given. At first, I had to accept, something really bad happened to me in the woods. I may never know exactly what it was. Then I got more pieces of the puzzle.
Amanda Durocher [00:23:12]:
Then I had to accept, I was sexually assaulted in the woods. Then I had to accept, I was sexually assaulted by multiple people in the woods. Oof. That was a hard one. Then I had to accept, oh, it was violent. I was pinned down and strangled. Okay. Then I had to accept there were bystanders.
Amanda Durocher [00:23:30]:
And there were more layers as well. But I mention that because I had to accept each layer before I was given more information. We often keep ourselves from the next step of our healing journey by living in that self doubt and not accepting what happened. And the reason, again, we don't accept what happened is because accepting what happened involves the hardest part. It involves feeling all the really hard feelings that you have been avoiding for a very long time or that you also repressed. So we repress the information, and with that information, it's like we're given this package at our door. And on the package, it says, repress memory. And you're like, ugh.
Amanda Durocher [00:24:09]:
I don't wanna open this. I don't wanna open this. I know what's in there. And you open the card, and it tells you what's in the box. And you're like, oh, when I open that box, I'm gonna have to, like, fully dive into that box. Maybe this box isn't for me. Maybe this present isn't mine. Does anybody else want this present? But it's when you take that box inside and you open it and you feel all the feelings in that box that you will begin to feel free.
Amanda Durocher [00:24:32]:
You'll begin to trust yourself. Pieces of your life that didn't make sense will begin to make sense, and you will learn to love yourself in a new way is what's coming to mind. Because this process of processing repressed memories is an act of self love. The more you sit with it, the more you process those hard feelings, the more you allow your truth to be mind bending for yourself, the more you allow that truth to come forward and rewrite that life narrative that was never true, the freer you will feel and the more connected back to yourself and your heart you will feel, and the more you will love yourself, and the more empathy you'll have for yourself and others. And so with all that, it's going to require an immense amount of gentleness with yourself in order to process these repressed memories. Processing repressed memories is when I personally began meditating daily. I talk about that a lot on the podcast, and I've had people say things to me like, oh, it must be nice, or I don't have time to meditate, or I can't believe you meditate for an hour. What a luxury.
Amanda Durocher [00:25:32]:
Yes. It is a luxury at this point, but it also was a lifeline. It was also necessary for me to begin quieting my mind, getting out of fight or flight, and feeling those feelings daily. It was important for my own sanity and my own survival because I couldn't live in the crazy thoughts of am I sane or am I insane every day. And oftentimes, when my memory comes back, I live there for a while. I live in the self doubt until I can no longer doubt myself anymore, and then I begin feeling those hard feelings. And I live in the self doubt place less and less now. I'm personally hoping I've hit the end of my barrel and that there's no more repressed memories, but I've also accepted the process and that there may be more that needs to come forward, and that's okay with me.
Amanda Durocher [00:26:19]:
I know I've got my back. I know I have my own. I know I'm strong. I know I'm resilient. And I know that my body will not give me anything I can't handle, and it will only give it to me when I'm ready. And so for you, I think it's important for you to prioritize time for yourself. Meditating, journaling, therapy. Maybe you need to go to therapy more than once a week.
Amanda Durocher [00:26:40]:
I know I go through times in my life where I go to therapy twice a week. Maybe you need to spend some more time in nature. Maybe you need a vacation that might not feel so much like a vacation. It just might be space for you to process some of this really difficult stuff. But for me with repressed memories, I had to do it for a full time job for a long time, and I had to do it on my own. It's a process that only you can really do that work. You know? Each of us has our own inner work. And processing repressed memories, there are people who can support you through that.
Amanda Durocher [00:27:10]:
Like I said, I'm glad you work with a professional. Maybe you wanna invite in a trauma professional or another day a week of therapy. I don't know what's best for you. But at the end of the day, it's gonna be you who has to feel those hard feelings, and it's gonna have to be you who begins grieving the childhood you thought you had and accepting the one you did have. And that's one of the hardest parts. So throughout this process, it's also really important to dive into inner child work and to be with that 6 or 7 year old. I'll link some inner child resources on my website at newgoodadvice.com/113. I have a meditation and a dialoguing with your inner child, but I also always recommend letter writing exercise.
Amanda Durocher [00:27:47]:
So maybe writing a letter to that 6 or 7 year old who is likely terrified in that movie theater, telling them that you believe them. Because when we don't believe ourselves, it's that we're really not believing those young children within us, the ones who were young and who needed an adult to believe them. And so through processing repressed memories, we become the adult who believes that child who did not have the safety or the trust they needed at that time. And so it's so important and so healing to connect to that inner child. It really is a beautiful union is how I see it. I think the repressed parts of us almost live outside of us for a long time, and processing repressed memories is bringing that part of us home to ourself. And that has been such a gift in my life to bring all these pieces of me home to myself that I labeled wrong, unworthy, not enough, liars, insane. By bringing those home and saying, I am so sorry.
Amanda Durocher [00:28:42]:
I love you. I'm here for you no matter what. I'm here for all your hard feelings. I have created a deep love of self that has taken time for me to cultivate, but it's pretty unshakable at this time. And so though, as I've said many times, this process is extremely difficult. I do believe there are gifts in healing, and those gifts often include getting to know ourselves, our own heart, and that love of self, which we all deserve. It becomes easier and we get to feel that deeper within ourselves. The last thing I wanna say before I wrap up this question is if you take anything from this episode, I want you to take that you can trust yourself.
Amanda Durocher [00:29:18]:
Something I also like to remember is that nobody wants to remember being sexually abused. Nobody wants to view their parent like an abuser when they hadn't remembered that. Nobody wants this to be their truth. I know that was true in my life. I don't want my story to be my story. I'm gonna be honest. There are days I look out the window as I write about my story that I'm like, can I have a different story? And I joke about that because the truth is this is my story. I accept it.
Amanda Durocher [00:29:44]:
But nobody wants to have to go through this process. So when you're doubting yourself, remember that you're not asking for this. You didn't want this. This isn't your fault. This is just part of healing, and it's okay. And you can trust yourself. And I found in my own life that the more I trust myself and choose to believe myself, the more these memories settle. Processing repressed memories often feels like a battle is waging within, and it stops waging when I trust myself.
Amanda Durocher [00:30:12]:
And I know my own truth. And that self trust is really developed throughout this process. And I just wanna reassure you that you can trust yourself. This process takes patience. You are doing the work. I hear it in your question. You wouldn't be asking this question if you weren't doing the work. And though it can be mind boggling and very disorienting, you are on the right path.
Amanda Durocher [00:30:31]:
You are always being guided, and you can trust yourself. So I hope something in this answer was helpful. I'm sending you so much love. Thank you for this question. Thank you so much for joining me for this episode of New View Advice. If you haven't already, I have bonus episodes on the podcast that I'm calling my reflection series, which is stories of me reflecting on my own healing journey. I mentioned that here because if you listen to reflection 2, this story took me a very long time to piece together. Some of these things I always remembered.
Amanda Durocher [00:31:05]:
Some of these things were repressed memories that came back later, and it took me years to be able to put together an articulate narrative. So I share that here because if you listen to reflections number 2, you can hear a story that wasn't always clear for me, that is clear now, but that is a gift I got through processing repressed memories. So if you give it a listen, please let me know. Or if you like this episode, I invite you to leave a rating or review or send me an email. I always love connecting with the new View Advice community. And thank you so much for joining me for this new View Advice. As always, I hope I was able to offer you a new View on whatever you may be going through. Sending you all my love.
Amanda Durocher [00:31:40]:
See you next time.
