44: Advice for Depression: How to Move through Seasons of Depression with Self-Care, Self-Awareness, & Self-Compassion
Depression is a common problem for many, including those who have experienced trauma during their lives. In this episode, I discuss my own journey with depression and how the symptoms can manifest differently for everyone.
I answer one question from someone with pandemic depression and doesn’t know what to do, and another from someone who has been depressed since being injured. I offer advice on how to begin the healing journey with self-care, self-awareness, and self-compassion.
Episode References:
Here’s a link to the TikTok I referenced of Kristen Bell talking about depression
Journal Prompts for Depression
Timestamps ⏱️
0:00 Intro
4:27 Teaching
16:12 Listener Question 1
36:50 Listener Question 2
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This podcast was transcribed by an AI tool called Otter. Please forgive any typos or errors.Amanda Durocher 0:00
Welcome to New View Advice, a safe place for you to ask your most vulnerable questions about life, relationships, healing, and so much more. I'm your host, Amanda Durocher, and I believe our fears and traumas are often what holds us back from living life to the fullest. Join me here each week as I offer advice on how to move through whatever is holding you back from being your best self. Let's get started. Hi, there beautiful souls. My name is Amanda. And this is New View Advice. If you're new here, this is a healing centered advice podcast. And what I mean by that is that it is my intention to be a guide for you along the healing journey. It is not my intention to give you the answers. It is my intention to guide you back to your own heart because I believe you have all the answers you seek. You just may need a new view along the way. Thank you for joining me for today's episode. Today's episode topic is depression. So today, I will be answering two questions about depression and healing from depression. I have said this before, and I'll say it again that I think everything is healable. So I believe depression is healable. But I do believe it takes time. And I also believe it will look different for everyone. I know from my own journey, and from the journey of many people I've talked to with depression, that depression looks different on everyone. depression feels different for everyone. I have found in my own life that my depressive episodes have looked different. So when I was younger, my depression used to be much more all consuming. And I would have trouble getting out of bed, I would have a lot of negative thoughts, a lot of self hatred throughout my depression, a lot of judgments, which would make it harder and harder for me to get out of bed and to take care of myself. And recently, I've noticed that I actually have been depressed, I have been healing a lot from my teen years, which I'll be talking more about next week. But I have actually had an incredibly difficult couple of months. And through this, I have noticed I have been depressed, but it's looks different than it has in the past. For me, my depression used to be all consuming and I wasn't really able to function, or it would take a lot of effort. I'm sure there's people who can relate to that. Where recently I've had depression where I don't think anybody could really tell I'm depressed, I'm able to get through my day, I'm able to get a lot done actually, the more I do, the less depressed I feel because there's a part of me running for myself. And it's those moments of silence those moments that I used to crave that have actually been the most difficult for me recently. And what I noticed was that recently I became sick. So I was sick for two weeks. And I was forced to sit with myself. And this was when I was forced to admit that I have been depressed. And part of my staying incredibly busy was a running for myself was a running from this feeling of hopelessness is how my depression often feels. So I wanted to start today's episode with a quick intro on depression. And then as I mentioned, I'm going to answer two questions where I offer advice. But as always take what resonates leave what doesn't depression, as I mentioned is different for everyone. If you think you need to see a doctor, this is not a medical podcast. This is all advice from my own journey and from people I've spoken to and from research I've done, but this is your journey. And I invite you to take care of yourself and do what you need as you move through your own season of depression. And I also want to say for anyone out there who's feeling depressed, this too shall pass. I know it may not feel that way. But as somebody who has gone through seasons of depression, some lasting years, some lasting months and lasting weeks and left sting days, I promise that this too shall pass. And I am sending you so much love as you allow yourself to feel everything your body is asking you to feel. So let's jump on into talking about depression.
Amanda Durocher (Teaching) 3:56
Today, I wanted to start the episode with talking a bit about an overview of depression because I think that there's a lot of misconceptions around depression, because I believe depression looks different for so many different people. There are many different kinds of depression, including high functioning depression, chronic depression, there are just so many different names and terms. But I think that depression is a very common thing many people experience on very different levels. And for many people, it feels like a persistent feeling of sadness and a loss of interest. I know in my own life, it's felt like a hopelessness and a disconnection from self. And I wanted to give that overview because I think that many people think depression looks like somebody who can't get out of bed in the morning. And I think that's one form of depression. I think that that can be true, but depression can also look like somebody who's extremely productive, or somebody you'd never guess had depression, or somebody who's always getting everything done, always helping others that person can be depressed as well and can be using that busyness as a way to cope with their own depression. And I believe as I mentioned that depression looks different on everyone. I've met so many people who have struggled with depression and some people you would know they may be depressed and others, you would have no idea they were depressed. And I think this is important to talk about, because I think that having one idea about what depression is makes it hard for one people to admit they're depressed, because they think it looks like something else. And to makes it hard to talk about because if you try voicing to somebody, you're depressed, and they think it looks a certain way, then they may start judging you. And they're like, Well, you're not in bed all the time. Or you're able to take a shower, or you look really good all the time. What do you mean, you're depressed. And I think it's just important for us to talk about depression to continue to alleviate the stigma around depression, I think that it is so much more talked about than when I was a kid. And I think that that's amazing. But I still think we have a ways to go with it. I think it still makes people uncomfortable to talk about depression. And I think one reason of this as people contribute depression with suicide. And I think that can be really scary for people and make it really hard for people to talk about depression because they don't know what to do. And I think that some people who are depressed have suicidal thoughts. I know I've struggled with suicidal thoughts, and I've talked about that on this podcast before. I don't think everybody who is depressed struggles with suicidal thoughts. And I've also come to believe in my own journey, that these suicidal thoughts are just thoughts. And when they arise, it is a sign for me to take better care of myself. And I mentioned this because when I heard one of my teachers throughout my life mention they had suicidal thoughts, it was so healing for my own heart, because it made me realize there was nothing wrong with me, it just was thoughts in my head. And I know I'm not going to act on these thoughts. And I've also actually recently come to the root of my suicidal thoughts. And this has taken me over 15 years to realize that there was a root to these thoughts, and I feel them alleviating, the more I look at the root of where these thoughts originated. But this is 16 years after the fact for a long time I had these thoughts. I didn't know where they originated from. But I knew that I could heal it, but I knew it would take time. And what I've found with depression in my own life is that it is a symptom of what I have survived. So what I've come to realize through communicating with myself is that, like when you have a cold, you can have a sore throat, a runny nose, a fever, depression is a symptom of trauma. So this may not resonate for you, but for me in my life. And what I've been shown throughout my own meditations and journaling is that my depression is a symptom of what I've survived. So it is not something to rush through it is not something to judge. It is something that was created because of the immense trauma I have survived throughout my life. And for me, in my own life, depression feels like a disconnection from self. It actually is a disconnection from self. So right now, I am working through healing from some tough things that has taken me over 15 years to look at. And throughout this process, it has been extremely excruciating to look at. And because of how excruciating it feels, my body will disconnect, my body will disassociate. So what this is, is your mind and body are disassociating because the pain we've have experienced the difficult emotions that we still need to feel the past events that are still being asked to look at by you because they are living in your body live in the body. And because of this, we will disassociate so we will disconnect our body and our mind. So we can't quite feel how hard it is in the body. And everything that's looking to be looked at because it can feel too much. And that's okay. It's our body's coping strategy. But I find when I disassociate, I can become depressed. Because that disconnect also is disconnecting me from my heart. It's also disconnecting me from my body. It's disconnecting me from also the good things in life, and the happiness the joy. And that's to me why when I'm depressed, I can't feel excitement. I just feel pretty blah. Because when I disconnect from myself, I'm unable to feel the good and the bad. I feel this numbness. That's how depression feels. For me. I think it's important for everyone to identify how depression feels for them. So I recently watched a tic toc where Kristen Bell was talking about her depression and she described it as a tight feeling where it feels like her depression is like a latex glove that's too tight trying to fit over a hand that it can't quite fit on. I thought that was interesting because my depression feels more like a heavy blanket. It feels like a blanket I can't take off. But that keeps me stuck. And I feel held in my depression I actually have felt depression for so much of my life that there's a bit of a comfort for me there, which is why I describe it more as a blanket because it's not comfortable but it's a comfort if that makes sense. I can feel more at ease in a disconnected disassociated depressed place because I've lived there for so Long throughout my life, but it doesn't feel good. So it's like a too heavy blanket that I can't get off me and keeps me stuck. And I can learn to become comfortable there. But I'm never actually comfortable, if that makes sense. So I think it's important for everyone to identify how depression feels for them, because I think it is different for everyone. And I think when you can identify how it feels for you, it can be easier for you to identify it when it arises. So as I mentioned, for me, I recently realized I was depressed. So I was moving so fast. Throughout my life, I was doing so many things, that I wasn't recognizing how disconnected I was, I wasn't recognizing this depression. As I mentioned, for me, depression is a disconnect. So I use those words interchangeably, because that's been helpful for me, for you, depression may feel like something else. And it might help you to identify those for yourself. But for me, I became sick. And I couldn't do anything for like a week. And during that I realized how depressed I was, I wasn't just sick, I was really depressed. So this forced me to sit with some of the hard things I had been avoiding. I cried a lot. And the truth is that helped me to feel better in my depression. So what I realized was the self care I needed to give myself was the space to feel incredibly difficult emotions. Also, for me, what's been helping my depression is an acceptance of the trauma I have survived. So self acceptance, accepting how difficult my life has been. I am extremely blessed. I have been fortunate in so many ways throughout my entire life. But I have also had an extremely difficult life. And for me, that was a form of self care. Because what I also want to mention with depression is that I think the first thing we all have to do when we're feeling depressed, is to lean into self care. And I know it sounds so basic, and I know I talked about it all the time. But that self care is the foundation for your healing journey. That self care is the foundation for helping you to get unstuck. That self care is that commitment to yourself. And self care will look different for everyone. I think one thing everybody talks about with depression is movement of body really does help. I know it can be so hard when you feel like you can't get out of bed. But getting yourself out of bed, getting yourself to shower, getting yourself to put on a funny movie, getting yourself to reach out to somebody, those are all forms of self care, and are the beginning of helping you to move how stuck you may feel. Because I think that depression, for me at least feel stuck. I feel stuck in it, it feels like I can't move, which is that heavy blanket, I feel like I can't move under it. And those small steps have helped me with my depression. And I don't believe that everybody needs to look at the root of their depression. I am 16 years after the fact looking at the roots of my depression from my teen years, I used to judge my depression more. And I used to like what's the root and I'm only looking at it now because I'm only ready to look at it now. So so many times, I invite you to look at the roots of your problems, the root of your beliefs. But with the depression, I feel like the root is important. And I believe there is a root for most of us. If not everyone but may not be your first step. I knew it wasn't mine. I believe the first step is that self care which we'll talk more about in the first question. And before I jump into question, one, I wanted to mention how I think that a lot of people can become depressed around the holidays. And that's why I wanted to do this episode now. Because I think that the holidays are a time where happiness, cheer and love and connection is reflected back to us. And if we are missing some of those things in our life, it can be really hard to see that reflected on TV and the movies and our outer world. And the more we see joy reflected back to us. And we may not be feeling that, the easier it is to feel depressed because we can feel like there's something wrong with us that we're not feeling the same way the outer world is so to me, it can amplify the depression that may already be there. So I just wanted to mention this, that if anybody's feeling this way, there's nothing wrong with you. I think the holidays is a time filled with love and connection. And also time filled with these really hard feelings of depression, sadness, hopelessness, and I invite you if you are feeling really depressed this holidays, please reach out to somebody. And I also just wanted to mention that depression is not a choice. As I mentioned, I believe it is a symptom for so many of us if things we have survived, of the lives we have lived of the moments in our past that have been heartbreaking. And depression is not a choice for anybody who's listening to this episode who has someone in their life who struggles from depression, but they may not resonate with depression themselves. I just invite you to be kind to whoever you know is struggling with depression. I know on my journey when I'm struggling with depression, I don't want to talk about it with anybody other than my therapists. I struggle to connect with others. It doesn't mean I don't appreciate when people reach out, but I struggled to connect. But I still appreciate when people reach out. And I know they're there. And I also know that this too shall pass. So I know how hard it can be. So I just want to send love out there to anybody going through a depressed moment. I know how difficult it can be. And I know how much of a hot button issue this can be. And I know how difficult it can be to talk about. And I believe that you know what's best for you along this journey. So please listen to yourself and trust yourself throughout this process. I am sending you so much love. Let's jump into question one.
Amanda Durocher (Listener Question) 15:42
Dear New View Advice, I have been depressed for over two years, it took me a while to admit to myself what I was feeling. But recently, I've realized it's depression. If I'm honest with myself, I've felt this way since the beginning of the pandemic, I was definitely more depressed at the beginning of the pandemic. But recently, I realized my depression never fully went away. I no longer talk to as many people as I did before the pandemic, my job is now a work from home job, which I prefer, but definitely leaves me alone more than I used to be. I function fine throughout the day. But I definitely find that I wake up depressed and go to bed depressed, I think I've been waiting for my life to go back to normal and recently realized it will likely never go back to the way it once was. I find this thought adds to my depression, because I don't know what to do from here. Any advice on how to move out of this depression? Thank you for writing in this question. I think that this is such a great question. And I think many people have found that they have been depressed since the pandemic during the pandemic. And I think that this is a very common experience that you're moving through. And I just want to honor that because I know that I've moved through multiple depressive episodes throughout the pandemic. And I just want to honor you and how these feelings are having are real. And I think that you have so much self awareness here in this question. I think one, it's beautiful that you've identified the depression because it sounds like you weren't even aware. That's how you were feeling the entire time. And I also think it's great awareness how you recognize that you're depressed in the mornings and at night, but not throughout the day, which to me is a sign that you're one of those people, as I mentioned, as am I who move really fast in order to avoid the depression. So you find when you have things to do, you're fine. But it's the morning you wake up and you're feeling that way. And probably when you go to bed, you don't have a lot going on at night. And so you find that you're feeling depressed. And I think this is very common for a lot of people. So I just want to honor that experience that you're moving through them. I want to take a moment to talk about the pandemic and depression. I did episode two, I mentioned depression with the pandemic, because I think that this was a very common occurrence for a few reasons. One, I think when the pandemic hit, and we were all forced to lock down in so many parts of the world, a lot of us were forced to sit with ourselves for the first time, and didn't have the tools to handle that. And I also think for people who move really fast, when all of a sudden you have nothing to do. That can be extremely difficult if you're somebody who has been avoiding yourself for a very long time. And that can lead to depression, or that depression was always there, and you're finally looking at it because you're not going so fast. And it forces you to slow down and be with how you truly feel. And that can be really scary. I also think the pandemic brought a disconnection from others. I think that connecting with others community, friendships, family is so important for the human experience, we are not meant to do life alone. We are meant to connect with others, it is an inherent need as a human being. And I think that when we all disconnected and started just connecting online, that helps zoom calls help. But it's not the same as seeing people in person. And I just want to honor that for all of us. Because I think that we all collectively moved through a trauma, the pandemic was traumatic for millions of people, and changed millions of people's lives. I think it's so important to honor that, that we all moved through a collective traumatic experience, and we are just coming out of it. And some people are still afraid and may feel like they're still in it. This is something that needs to be honored. Because as you mentioned in your question, your life isn't going back to normal. And so with that, I invite you to ask yourself what is normal? Because the truth is, as human beings, we are always changing. We're always evolving, and life is constantly changing. So what is normal to you? And what are you missing from your quote unquote, old life? Because Are you missing the connection with others? Are you just fantasizing about how you used to feel and if you're honest with yourself, were you never actually happy? I think that's true for a lot of us too, is that some stuff came up throughout the pandemic, some stuff about ourselves, and we can't shove it down anymore. And some of us might be thinking, Oh, but if only I went back to the previous meat. But the truth is you want to change and evolve, you wouldn't be listening to this podcast if you weren't looking to change and evolve. And I think that's one of the greatest gifts of being human is that we can change and evolve. So I invite you to become clear on what that normal is that you're missing. And if there are pieces of it you could give to yourself, or if you are fantasizing about something that wasn't even that great, because I know, for example, in my own life, sometimes when my life's really hard, I wish I was still a drinker. So for anybody who doesn't know, I've been sober for almost two years. And sometimes I'm like, Oh, my, can I just be a drinker again, I mean, who cares? I can just have drinks every now and then. And I can just go to bars with people, and it will be fine. And I can tell myself that I wasn't that unhappy when I was a drinker. And it takes some real honesty with myself to admit to myself, I was not a happy person when I was drinking, that I really hated myself. And it was very rare that I didn't wake up the next day with some self hating thoughts. It's so easy for me to just remember the good and forget the bad. And the truth is, I'm much happier now that I don't drink. That's a personal choice.This isn't me telling anybody to get sober. I will say though, because we're talking about depression. giving up alcohol really helped with my depression, I did not realize how correlated they were I know Alcohol is a depressant. But I always felt like alcohol made my depression better. I always felt like it took the edge off, it helps me numb the hard feelings. But since giving up alcohol, my lows are not as low as they used to be. That is a fact. And for anybody who's ready to give up alcohol for a certain amount of time. For me, it was giving it up for over 90 days, I started to see the real benefits. So I had to give it up for longer than three months. And I really saw the differences in my life. And some of the ones people don't talk about as much is that I noticed my depression was better. I noticed my anxiety was better. And I also noticed my memory improved. So I just wanted to mention that in case there's anybody who has been debating that, but that may not be for you. But I wanted to mention that example. Because I think so many of us fantasize about a life that never existed in different areas of our life. So another one could be like, if you fantasize about being young in 20. Again, oh my gosh, college was so great, or high school is so great. If you're one of those type of people. Is that true? Was it as good? Or are you putting it on a pedestal. So I invite you to think about this old normal you miss. And think about if you're putting it on a pedestal. Or if there's parts of that old life, you really do miss and you can implement now like connection with others, or maybe you enjoyed going to an office more than working from home. It sounds like that's not you, but it could be true for someone. And if there's different things you can add back into your life where you are now because the truth is, we can't go backwards. So you say that this thought makes you more depressed, that your life won't go back to normal. But I think it's actually beautiful, that your life won't go back to what it was. Because I think it's beautiful that we can ebb and flow. It's beautiful that we can change. And I think that the more intentional you can get with your life, the more you will not miss your old life. Because the more you can drop into what you do want and start making small action steps towards this new life, the more you'll see that your life is beautiful in the present moment. Because also, I believe the quote, which I don't know who said it because online it says it's by one person, but there's like disagreement about who actually said this quote, but the quote is, if you are depressed, you are living in the past, if you're anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the moment. And I mentioned this quote, because I think it is so true that oftentimes we can become depressed because we're living in the past. So for you, your depression could be tied to that you are fantasizing about this old life. And the truth is you're right. It's not coming back. But it's a beautiful opportunity for you to learn how to be in that peaceful, present moment, how to be with yourself, because from this question, it sounds like you're often running from yourself. It sounds like you don't take the time to be with yourself because there might be a lot to unpack. But I promise that as you begin to unpack it layer by layer, not all at once, layer by layer, your life will become brighter. All I can say is the more I unpack the more I feel like I live in Technicolor, and I used to live in black and white, my life becomes more beautiful. And I don't strive for those big moments. I live for the small moments. And that is a gift of living in the present moment. And the only way I was able to do this is by unpacking my life layer by layer one step at a time and also by taking care of myself. So that leads me into my first piece of advice where I think you need to implement self care. So It sounds like you may work all day, maybe you help take care of others, but you want to start implementing self care. Because the more time you can fit into your schedule to take care of yourself, and what you need, the more this will help with your depression. And taking care of ourselves can be one of the hardest things when we're depressed. So starting small is so important. And asking yourself, what's one small thing you could start doing every day? And you don't even have to do the same thing every day. But it's what are the small things you could do? So adding journaling to your to do list may feel too overwhelming for you. But are you getting ready in the morning, there really is a truth to look good, feel good. I believe that when we take a shower, we blow dryer hair and we put on a good looking outfit. It can help us to feel better. I'm somebody who lives in my pajamas. So those days that I shower in the morning, and I get ready, I feel a difference. I also think if you're not exercising, adding movement to your routine could really help. I know that exercise helps with endorphins, which is part of depression, I'm not going to go into the chemical balances of the brain. There are other podcasts for that today, we're talking about the emotion of depression. But there is so much information out there about the chemicals in your brain and depression and all that and there are so many resources for that. So I invite you, if that feels like something you need to explore that. But just today we're going to focus on the emotion of depression, and how we can move that emotion. So I believe that exercise can really help so many people, I know that that's a big one for my partner, when he's feeling depressed movement makes a big difference. I noticed it sometimes helps me, it doesn't always help. So for me, it's been a lot of the introspection is really what helps me on my depression journey. It's gonna be different for everybody. I also believe self care can be taking a bath, taking yourself to the movies, taking yourself out to dinner, connecting with friends, connection is huge. It sounds to me like you may be missing some connection in your life. And a lot of times I find when I leave the house, it makes a difference for my depression, I don't realize how much I need people, or just to be around people until I leave the house. So sometimes just going to a coffee shop really helps me with my depression, but finding different ways to take care of yourself. Another thing that's really helped me in the past couple of months is creating spaces for my feelings. So I currently do talk therapy, I also do equine therapy. I've also been going to sound baths, guided meditations, gentle yoga, and all these create the space for me to be with my feelings. And normally, I am somebody who's really good at creating that space for myself. But as I've been moving through a really difficult chapter in my life, I've noticed that I need to have it scheduled, and they need somebody else to lead it. So for me going to these guided meditations has been so helpful for me because somebody else helps drop me into that relaxed state. And then I take it from there. But having a guide can really be helpful when we're moving through these difficult spaces, talking about our feelings can be really helpful. I know for me talking about my depression with a therapist really helps me to voice it out loud to give a voice to it. It helps alleviate some of the shame that comes with the depression. So I invite you to find spaces where you feel safe to talk about what you're feeling. I think so many of us, especially the fast movers feel like we can do it all alone, we can move fast, we can get a lot done, I don't need anybody else. It's not true. We all need others. We all need guides along the way. I can't tell you how many therapists healers, guides, somatic practitioners, coaches I have had along my healing journey. None of them have been there the whole time. That's been my journey. But I have new people and new help along the way. Because it's so important for us to have help throughout our lives, and throughout depression and throughout our healing journeys. So I invite you to see if that type of self care could be helpful for you. Your priority right now should be you and your energy. I know that can feel a lot easier for people who are single than people who have partners, families and children. But it's important for every single person, no matter how many other people you have living in your house, to take care of yourself, you can only help others as much as you help yourself. First, you need to put your own oxygen mask first, you need to fill your own cup first, it is so important that you take care of you first. And if you're feeling depressed, to me, it is a sign that you need to start prioritizing you. So self care is so important. And again, you can't look at the root of your depression. If you're not taking care of yourself. Looking at the root of your depression may take years. As I mentioned, I'm just looking at the root of my teen depression. I didn't realize that was the route but now I'm like, that's the route. It's taken me over 15 years. And that's okay. Because I believe we look at things one layer at a time because our body Our hearts, even our minds, only give us what we are ready to look at. There is no rush to the healing journey. But I promise if you start to lift the layers and you start taking care of yourself, your life will improve after you begin taking care of yourself. So prioritizing that self care first, I believe that self care is the foundation of the healing journey. As I just said, you can not do the other steps if you are not taking care of yourself first, it is so important for you to prioritize you, and it's going to look different for everyone. Another great self care practice that I didn't mention is nature, walks in nature, running in nature, sitting in nature, being in nature, swimming in nature, nature, nature always helps me with my depression, getting myself into nature is the battle. But once I am there, it always helps. There is something very healing for the human body to be in nature. So when you are feeling better about yourself care, I invite you to then start inviting and self awareness because this will help you to connect back to yourself. As I mentioned, I think depression is complicated, different for everyone. But one thing I learned on my journey is that depression is often a sign of disconnection from myself, this may not resonate for you, but for those who it does, I invite you to start connecting back to yourself through self awareness, and inviting in that inner witness. So witnessing the thoughts you're having witnessing the feelings you're having, stepping back and noticing these thoughts. Not trying to change them, not judging them, just witnessing them observing them. And a great way to do this is through journaling. So I'm going to put some journal prompts to assist with depression on my website at newviewadvice.com/44. And you'll be able to find journal prompts to assist you. But you can also just journal with your depression journal to your depression. I journal to my feelings I'll write Dear anger, your depression during anxiety. I'll tell it how I'm feeling and I'll free write a response back to myself. I also think that talk therapy can really help or different forms of therapy. So somatic practicing can help so that's getting in touch with your body. Because I believe that depression for me, at least on my journey, and this is true for some people is that disconnection from self. So finding ways to get in the body can assist with your depression. So finding different therapists and healers and guides to assist you can really help you in that connecting back to yourself part because self care will help you connect back to yourself. But then also intentionally connecting back to yourself through self awareness through asking yourself questions and becoming the witness and observer will also help you with healing and aiding and helping your depression. The last piece of advice I have to offer you is self compassion. Self Compassion is key to healing and feeling your depression. So self compassion is different than self care. A form of self care can be self compassion, but self compassion is really being kind to yourself in every moment. It's beginning to practice being your own best friend, your own parent and your own cheerleader. Self Compassion is beginning to be the safe place for yourself throughout your depression. So many of us are our biggest critics. Our biggest self punishers and self compassion is the journey of befriending yourself. Compassion is key for healing depression, because that self compassion will assist you in creating that self care routine for yourself, assist you in the self awareness and also assist you not judging yourself. I believe that when we judge our depression, when we shame, our depression, when we punish our depression, we make it worse, we fall deeper and deeper and deeper into that hopelessness, that sadness in that feeling of being lost. And by adding compassion. It will assist you in all areas of your life, but it will assist with your depression. Self Compassion has been a key for me along my healing journey. I used to be my biggest critic, I am still probably my biggest critic, but it used to be a lot worse. It used to be debilitating. And when I was depressed, I would criticize myself to no end and then it felt like an endless cycle. Depress that criticizing thought which leads to another depressed thought which led to another criticizing thought. And I couldn't get myself out of that headspace until I introduced self compassion and loving thoughts. It's okay. I'm feeling depressed today. That's okay. I honor that. Well. I'm having a tough time today. I'm so sorry. Self. What do I need? What can I give myself? It is a lot easier to give yourself what you need. When you are being loving and kind to yourself and when you are being hard on yourself. So many of us on this human journey are incredibly hard on ourselves. We are way too hard on us. else, you deserve to be loved by you. And the compassionate witness within you the Compassionate One within you will help you to feel safe enough to dive into those roots, dive into that depression and dive into why you feel the way you do about all things in life. But you have to be kind to yourself. First, you have to recognize your own self worth. And some days, that's really hard. But the first thing you can do is offer yourself a compassionate thought, rather than another critical one. And when you notice that critical one arise, can you be nice to yourself throughout that, I believe that the more compassionate you are with yourself along this journey, the easier it will be. I hope something in this answer was helpful for you and the depressive season you're moving through. I want to honor your depression. I want to honor how you're feeling and I want to honor you in your own heart. Thank you for writing in this question. Thank you for seeing yourself and how you are truly feeling. And thank you for your commitment to yourself. I believe you are worthy of love, happiness and joy. And I'm sending you so much love. Thank you for this question.
Amanda Durocher (Listener Question) 36:19
Dear New View Advice. I recently tore my ACL and found myself unable to do my usual physical routine, fitness and exercise is such a big part of my life. And not being able to exercise has been really difficult for me. Since my injury, I've been feeling depressed, I find myself wondering if I was always depressed or if this is only because of my injury. And if it will pass with time. Do you have any advice on how to help with my depression? Thank you for this question. First, I want to start with that I am so sorry that you tore your ACL. And I am so sorry, you're going through this depressive season. I do believe that this shall pass. But I do believe you're being given an opportunity to also be introspective during this time. Because you said you found yourself wondering if you were always depressed or if this is just part of your injury. I believe that is something only you will know. But I believe that sometimes we can use things in our life to keep ourselves from being introspective. So I really liked this question. Because I think it's a great example of a recurring problem I see when receiving questions, and when working with people. And it is when we lose something, it can feel like we lost a part of ourselves. So what it sounds like to me is that fitness and exercise has been a huge part of your life, and you don't know who you are without it. And you don't quite know how to function without it. And I see a similar thing with people when they break up with somebody who am I without my ex, or somebody loses a job who am I without this job. And also when we get sick, it can be similar to an injury where we lose our everyday routine. So it can cause us to feel depressed. Because the things that were keeping us stable, we lose them. So who are we when we lose something, and to me, this is something that can happen when we over identify with things. And I think that fitness and depression can be linked because being active really helps with depression, because it helps create endorphins. And it helps us to feel good and it helps us to feel good and grounded in our bodies. So without the ability to be active, we are forced to look at depression in a new way. You can't just go and exercise as you've noticed, and make yourself feel better. You have to learn a new way to make yourself feel better. You have to learn new coping strategies or new ways of being with yourself. I believe injuries and sickness are very often an invitation for us to be with ourselves in a way we have not been for a very long time. I believe that as I mentioned in the first question, so many of us are running from ourselves. We are running from our inner worlds because we do not like what lives there. For so many of us. Our inner world holds our inner demons, our innermost fears, our innermost heartbreaks, our innermost traumas, it holds the beliefs about ourselves that are too scary to sometimes look at. It does not make them true. But all those things live within us until we are ready to witness them and release them. So I believe you are being invited into being introspective. So do I think you were always suppressed? I don't know. But if there is a certain theme arising for you right now, it's very likely it was always there. It may be a lie. You were telling yourself something about being active. Or it could be a belief that's always haunted you. I don't know what is coming up for you throughout this injury. And I know some people would say that it might just be the endorphins you get from exercise will make everything better. But I believe that if we are not content with sitting with ourselves, then there's something to be looked at. As I mentioned, I went through this recently, in my own life. When I became sick, I thought I was doing pretty good. I had been kind of run for myself, I had been looking at some really hard stuff, but also just like, I would jam in it, and therapy, and then I would push through the rest of my time. And when I became sick, it was a week of just me in bed. And I had to become honest with that I wasn't doing as good. As I was saying I was doing that I was definitely depressed. And that I was definitely avoiding myself. And being sick, gave me a chance to meditate journal and be with myself. And there was some really hard things that wanted to be witnessed. And I felt like my inner teenager was yelling at me for not looking at these things. And I had to sit with that part of myself. And I had to be honest, that some of the stuff I was being asked to look at was really difficult. And it would take me being sick to look at it, because it was hours of crying of hard feelings. And I bring that up, because it's just another example of how we can run from ourselves. And for you, I think everything question one applies. So what self care can you put in your life that isn't exercise? Because that might be your form of self care? And now you're being invited for new forms of self care? Can it be journaling, meditating? Can it be connecting with friends? Can it be coloring, can it be some form of art art is so therapeutic, creativity moves, energy, creation, taking that pain and trauma, and channeling it into something with purpose, some form of art, highly recommend, can you take this depression you're having and turn it into some form of art, because maybe it is just that you're injured, maybe that is what it is for you. But that is going to be there with you until you are fully healed. And from what I know about ACL injuries, it takes time it takes rehab, and it takes physical therapy. So you're gonna have some time with yourself, what can you do to help yourself feel better? What new activities can you bring into your life that will help you throughout this difficult chapter. So I believe that self care and I also believe that self awareness, as I mentioned, I think that so many of us run so fast. We don't invite ourselves into conversation. And I think you having what it sounds like more time on your hands is a great time for you to begin to get to know yourself. And as I mentioned, I'll have some journal prompts at NewViewAdvice.com/ 44 that could help you throughout your journey, but that self care that self awareness, and that self compassion will be so helpful for you. What are the thoughts you have around this injury? What are the thoughts you have around this time? Become aware of them, and be kind to yourself, you do not need to change them? I believe that changing our thoughts isn't always possible. And it's not always the answer. I believe that first we must learn to be with those thoughts, to witness them, to honor them. To honor this human journey that is not always easy. It's not predictable. It's filled with ups and downs. And the more you can learn to be with yourself, the more these chapters of ebb and flow will become easier for you. But until we learn to be with ourselves, life can feel incredibly difficult when hiccups happen. But part of life is that things will happen that we do not expect and challenges will arise. And the more we get to know ourselves, the more we can be our biggest cheerleader, our best friend, that inner parent, the easier life becomes, the more we can embody that worthiness and that enoughness that is our human divine right? What do I mean by that? I mean that because you are human. You were born as a Divine Being as an aspect of God. And I know that for so many of us that feels daunting, especially in a world that constantly tells us we're not enough. But the truth is that there is nothing wrong with you ever. You are perfect just as you are. You are special. You are unique. Your own human imprint your own human body. Your own soul has its own unique gifts to share. And this time you have invites you to be introspective invites you to get to know that uniqueness about you to honor your own specialness, to honor that even though you are injured it means nothing about you. I know when we can become injured we can start saying things about ourselves being more critical but you are perfect just the way you are If you are lovable, you are beautiful. And when we are depressed, it can be hard to notice those beautiful, amazing qualities we have about ourselves. But I just want to take a moment to honor you, you are worthy, you are enough. You are loved, you are lovable, you are special, you are so beyond loved and supported by the universe. What's so cool about this human journey is when you start to connect with yourself, you realize that life is happening for you, not to you. And that every thing that happens in your life is an opportunity for you to get to know yourself better. Wow. And there's a part of you, there's a part of all of us, that takes these tough opportunity and makes them into gold, wisdom. And I think it's easy to forget that. But I think it's important to remember what this life is really about. And I believe we're all here to remember who we truly are. I think that when we're born in this world today, we often become as disconnected from ourselves as we can. So then the human journey becomes a journey back to self, back to you back to the truth of who you really are. And when we are depressed, we often forget how whole we really are and how everything we need is inside of us. It's so easy to forget. So right now, I just wanted to remind you, that your whole, there is nothing wrong with you. There never was. And I'm so sorry. If somebody ever made you feel that way. And I'm so sorry. If you continue to make yourself feel that way. Because there's nothing wrong with you. You are amazing. You are divine, you are enough, and you are worthy of all your heart's desires. I truly believe that. And I honor you and this human journey. And I honor how hard it can be. And I'm just sending you so much love today. I hope something in this answer was helpful.
Amanda Durocher (Outro) 47:05
Thank you for tuning in to another episode of New View Advice. And thank you for having this conversation about depression with me. If you have a question moving forward, please reach out via email or on my website. And I would love to invite you if you enjoyed this episode or any other episode to leave a review for the podcast. You can leave a review for the podcast on Apple podcast and I think you can leave them on Spotify now. And if you leave it on Apple, you would go to the episode page scroll to the bottom leave a five star rating and a review reviews and ratings really helped to bring more people to the podcast and I am so appreciative everyone who leaves reviews, I do read every single one of them and they really do bring such peace to my heart to know that this podcast helps others as much as it's helping me along my own journey. So thank you to everyone who listens weekly, monthly or if this is your first time. Thank you for being here. And thank you again for tuning in to another episode of New View Advice. As always, I hope I was able to offer you a new view on whatever you may be going through. sending you all my love. See you next time
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
