67: Healing from Broken Trust, Trust Issues & Betrayal: Learning to Trust Ourselves & How to Rebuild Trust in Relationships
Trust in a relationship is built over time, but can be lost in a moment. When trust is broken, for example with infidelity/cheating, the feelings of betrayal can be intense and people often develop trust issues. But how do you re-learn how to trust yourself and your intuition? In this episode, you will learn how to start healing from the betrayal so that you can begin rebuilding trust in your relationship and with yourself.
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Journal Prompts 🖊️
What does it feel like when you can trust someone? What emotions arise? How does it feel in your body?
What does it feel like when trust is broken? What emotions arise? How does it feel in your body?
What are some characteristics you look for when choosing who you trust? Is it a gut feeling? Do you look for certain words? Explore how you decide to trust someone.
Download the full list of FREE journal prompts!
Free Resources 📑
Recommended Episodes 🎙️
Book Recommendations
Daring Greatly by Brene Brown
Learn More About About Trust (Episode Research) 🔗
Timestamps ⏱️
Introduction 0:00
What is Trust? 1:51
How to Develop Trust? 3:17
Question 1 7:08
Question 2 22:48
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This podcast was transcribed by an AI tool called Castmagic. Please forgive any typos or errors.
Amanda Durocher [00:00:00]:
You. Welcome to New View Advice. I'm your host, Amanda Durocher, and I invite you to join me here each week as I offer advice on how to move through whatever problem or trauma is holding you back from living life to the fullest. Let's get started. Hi beautiful souls. My name is Amanda and this is New View Advice. If you're new here, this is a healing centered advice podcast where I offer guidance for the healing journey. I don't believe I have all the answers you seek.
Amanda Durocher [00:00:26]:
I believe you have all the answers you just may need a new view and a little help along the way. Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode. Today we are discussing trust and we'll be discussing trust, how to develop trust in ourselves and others and how to rebuild trust in a relationship when trust has been lost. Today we are focusing on romantic partnerships, but this information is really relevant for all relationships. I believe that trust is complicated because it can make you feel safe and secure and loved. But when trust is broken, the feelings of betrayal are very intense and may not only end your relationship, but can also result in you losing trust in yourself. So in today's episode, I'll also be answering two listener questions. One from somebody who keeps having their trust broken and feels like it is their fault, and another from a listener wondering if they can trust themselves to decide if they can trust someone who cheated on them. So today we're going to be learning how to start healing from betrayal so that we can begin rebuilding trust with ourselves and others. And we're also going to discuss how to connect back to your heart so you can learn how to trust yourself. Before I jump into today's episode, I did want to mention that if after this episode you're interested in diving into your relationships with trust further, I will have free journal prompts on my website at newviewadvice.com/67 to help you to look at, become aware of, and heal your relationship with trust. So let's jump on into talking about trust.
Amanda Durocher [00:01:51]
So what is trust? Trust is broadly defined as being able to rely on someone. But what is really important about trust is that it makes us feel like we have a sense of safety and security in our relationship. And with trust, we're able to be vulnerable, we're able to open up, we feel loved that trust is really a foundation in order for us to open our hearts, because when we feel safe, we're able to really open up and be ourselves. I'm sure you can relate to the relationships that you feel trust in versus the ones you don't. It really provides that sense of safety for you to be yourself. So when we trust someone, we believe that this person will not hurt us. We trust that they will help to keep us safe and to love us. So trust is a foundation of healthy relationships because when we trust someone we're able to open up and be vulnerable. And trust is important for relationships because we can't really get to know someone on a deep level. If you don't trust somebody, you likely still have your guards up. You likely still are holding back a part of yourself because you're not sure it's entirely safe for you to fully open up. And that's very normal. But in order for us to flourish as humans we want to develop relationships where we feel trust in. And many times one of the relationships where trust is most important is our romantic partnership where we really allow ourselves to fully be seen.
Amanda Durocher [00:03:17]
So how do we develop trust? I believe that trust is built over time. So Bernay Brown, who is a critically acclaimed author and speaker who specializes in vulnerability she says that trust is built slowly over time and based on small actions. She gives this great example of trust by comparing trust to a marble jar. So the story she tells in her book Daring Greatly which I highly recommend if you haven't read it yet is that her daughter was in a class and the teacher had a marble jar and when the class behaved marbles would be added to the Marble jar. And when the class misbehaved, marbles would be taken out of the Marble jar. And so I think this is a great analogy for trust because we can think of trust in a similar way. When people do trustworthy actions in a relationship we add marbles to the marble jar. And when people do things that break our trust or leave us feeling betrayed marbles are taken out of the Marble Jar. So, for example, in your relationship with this metaphorical marble jar, when you're building trust, actions that build trust may be that somebody picks you up at the airport or somebody keeps a secret that you shared with them or somebody holds space for you to share your feelings, or somebody buys you a present, or somebody shares with you about their life, and that feels like they trust you, and that helps you to feel trust towards them. But these actions will be like marbles you put in your marble jar. And when people do actions that hurt you such as they lie to you or maybe they cheat on you or maybe they yell at you, that trust may feel broken. That safety in your relationship may feel broken. So marbles. Leave the marble jar. And so when we're forming a healthy relationship we want to continually build that trust and fill up the Marble Jar. And in the example I gave with the students I think they got a reward when the marble jar was full. And for you the reward would be your healthy, strong relationship. So I think this is helpful when thinking about trust because I think a lot of people give their trust away too easily. They find somebody, either a friend or a partner, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, and they just give all their trust away. They're like, I fully trust you. And the truth is, that person didn't earn your trust yet. You haven't built your trust. You can be building that trust. But when we first meet somebody, we don't want to give our trust away too easily because we're just getting to know this person. I know I used to do this in friendships. I used to meet a friend, we used to click, and I used to be like, oh my God, I love this person. And I would fully trust them. But the truth is, I didn't know them. They didn't earn that trust. I gave it away. I filled them marble jar for them. They didn't have to do anything to earn that trust. And oftentimes I would get hurt and I would feel betrayed because this person would do something that hurt me. And the truth is, I gave my trust away too easily. So now I really work on being aware of my relationships and just building that trust together rather than giving my trust away at the beginning. I also think a big part of developing trust is learning to trust yourself. And I think if you can trust yourself, it will make your ability to trust others much easier. And you'll know that you can trust yourself because so many people are disconnected from themselves that they don't even know themselves, which means that you can't really trust yourself. So just like you have a marble jar in your relationships, this metaphorical marble jar, you can view trust within yourself as a marble jar as well. You're always building trust with yourself as well. Are you keeping the promises you made to yourself? Are you being honest with yourself? All these help you to develop that trust within yourself as well. And so I really believe that the more you get to know you and you learn to communicate with yourself and respect yourself and listen to your heart, listen to your boundaries, listen to what your body is communicating to you, the easier it will be for you to trust yourself and others. So now I'm going to jump into the two questions where we'll really dive into how to continue to develop this trust with ourselves and others as well.
Amanda Durocher [00:07:08]
Hello. I love your podcast so much. I resonate with so many episodes. I had trust issues as a child due to trauma. Then as a young adult, I was sexually assaulted by my best friend male in the military and then let down by my command. Recently, I just got out of a relationship where I was cheated on multiple times without my knowledge. My partner seemed to be a perfect partner to me and everyone else. He said all the right things, planned our future, and was someone I confided in and went to for support and advice. He knew this was my biggest fear and would reassure me I could trust him. I trusted all of these people, and I've been trying to trust more and I keep getting hurt. The worst part is I don't give my trust away too easily, and yet I'm still left betrayed. Is there any advice you can give? Feels like it's my fault. Thanks so much. Thank you so much for this question. I'm so sorry to hear about all these experiences you've had and the end of your most recent relationships. And I'm so sorry that these have caused you to feel betrayed and have that broken trust. And also what it sounds like is maybe to be judging yourself about this a bit, because you said it feels like it's your fault. So I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this because I know how challenging it is to feel like our trust is broken. As I mentioned in the intro, I think trust is so important for relationships, and trust is such a beautiful feeling, right? To feel safe with somebody is such a gift, and so when that's taken away, it truly is painful. So I just want to thank you for asking this question. I don't think you're alone. The first place I want to start with this question is that it was not your fault. None of this was your fault, none of these situations you described. And I think we can always learn from hard experiences. I believe some of life's greatest lessons are intertwined with our most difficult experiences, but that does not make any of this your fault. The actions of others are never your fault. You are never responsible for their actions. And so I also want to say that it would make a lot of sense for you to have a hard time trusting people after all these experiences you've had. And I'm so sorry you've experienced this much hurt and pain. I know you've listened to the podcast, so I too have been sexually assaulted and raped. And that definitely broke my trust. That was definitely very challenging for me to learn to trust people again. I really had a hard time trusting people. I actually went to equine therapy for a while, and trusting animals was a really helpful step for me before I was able to trust people. But a big part of me learning to trust people was to first learn how to trust myself. So my first piece of advice here for healing from this broken trust and these feelings of betrayal is to work on forgiving yourself. I'm wondering if you still hold on to self blame for these instances and not just the most recent betrayal of your partner, but all these instances you've described here. Because I know for me, when people broke my trust in the past, I often blamed myself. And you said that you feel like it's your fault. And I would often repeat things to myself, like, how could I be so stupid? How did I not see that coming? How did I put myself in that situation? And self blame is a coping strategy of the mind. We blame ourselves because it's a way of us trying to control bad things from happening again. So if we place the blame of these past situations on ourselves, we feel as though we can protect ourselves from the harm done to us in the past. And the truth is that every time we open our heart to love, we run the chance of getting hurt. That's what makes it so vulnerable. That's what makes love so scary, is that we can't control this other person. And so we do open ourselves up to getting hurt. And you have done nothing wrong each time you've opened your heart. Opening our hearts to love is one of the most courageous things we can do along this human journey. We all seek love, we all long for love. We all want connection and deep knowing and feeling seen and heard by one another. And I think opening our hearts can be really scary because of that. Because many of us have built up walls to the world, we've built up defenses, we've built up a guard around us to protect our hearts. Because the pain of a broken heart is incredibly painful. I think we don't talk about it enough. I think heartbreak is real. And many of us build up these walls to keep ourselves safe. That's what it is. We've had our heart broken throughout our lives, in childhood, in our teen years, in our early adulthood and so on. And everybody's heartbreak has been different. People break our hearts. Death breaks our hearts, the loss of animals breaks our hearts. So many experiences in this world break our heart. Trauma breaks our heart. Our heart is broken over and over again. And I think that because of that, we can build strategies in our mind to keep us safe. And so I think self blame is one of these strategies where we're trying to blame ourselves for the actions of others in order to keep us safe. But the truth is you're not responsible for these horrible things that happen to you. You're not responsible for the actions of others. And that self blame is not helpful for you anymore. I think for a while it may have been. I think we build all these coping strategies as a way to keep us safe, as a way to help us. But along the healing journey, we're able to replace these unhealthy coping strategies, such as self blame, with new ones, such as self love. And as I mentioned at the start of this question, the actions of others are not your fault. And I really believe it's time for you to forgive yourself for the actions of others that you could not control. Bad things happen in this world, something you and I know all too well. And it wasn't your fault. And I know for me along my healing journey, self forgiveness comes when I finally release that blame I've been holding on to. It's not like I just say I forgive myself, and there it is. It takes me witnessing all that blame I put on myself, all that pain I experienced, and I forgive myself when I can see that it wasn't my fault. It was really painful. I honor the experience. I allow myself all the feelings, I see all sides of it, and then I'm able to forgive myself and let it go and move forward with a bigger heart. I really believe every time our heart breaks, we have the opportunity for it to break open, to get bigger and bigger every time. Because heartbreak is one of our greatest teachers here on Earth. It teaches us so much about ourselves, about humanity, and it helps us, when we heal it, to connect back to ourselves. And oftentimes a heartbreak in the present helps us to heal heartbreak from the past. So it's really this full circle, beautiful experience when we allow ourselves to move through heartbreak and to move fully through the grieving process of grieving that relationship that ended. And I also wanted to speak to this betrayal because I think betrayal is insanely painful. I think when our trust is broken, we feel betrayed and trust isn't tangible. But when we lose it, it feels tangible. We can feel that that trust is lost. It feels like something is missing from the relationship. And I think that goes hand in hand with this betrayal. We feel we feel betrayed because we feel like something was taken from us, right? We feel like that safety, that security of that relationship, that ability to be vulnerable and to be ourselves is taken. So when we are healing from broken trust, we are also simultaneously healing this feeling of betrayal. Recently, I ended a relationship with somebody and it was a relationship where I felt betrayed and I felt like my trust was broken and my heart was broken. And as I began to look at the situation and how this happened, I knew that their actions were their own. But I did begin to see that I had trusted someone who was untrustworthy. So that was another step in my self forgiveness, was as I talked about earlier in the episode, I gave my trust away too easily. I trusted this person fully, but I didn't know the whole picture. I didn't see the whole picture. And honestly, with this person, I didn't allow myself to see the full picture because I was so grateful for this person being in my life that I ignored some red flags. But these weren't red flags I could see while I was in the relationship. It was really afterwards, when I began to grieve this relationship, that I began to see and take ownership of how I gave my trust away easily. It did not mean that this person's actions were my fault. They were not that those person's actions are their own. But I did have to forgive myself for how easily I gave my trust away. And now I've learned from that relationship. Right now, I'll take that information with me moving forward, and I'll make new decisions. Moving forward. Does it mean my trust will never be broken again? No. Every time I open my heart, I have the chance of having a broken heart. That's just how it is here on the human journey. We can't control others, and I think we try to come up with all these coping strategies to control others because it'd be so much easier here if we could control everybody else. But what fun would that be? That would take all the spontaneity, all the love, all the real fun stuff out of the human journey if we could control everybody and if we could control everything. Life isn't controllable. The only constant is change. And when we are healing, it's when we really begin to accept that. I think so many of us are running from change, running from broken hearts, running from our fears of the future. And the healing journey is coming back to the present. And it's understanding that all of it's okay, none of it's a punishment, none of it makes you wrong. Life is just full of learnings, and I think that's what makes healing so beautiful. So my second piece of advice is to feel all your feelings. I think another reason many of us blame ourselves is because of how painful betrayal feels. And betrayal is so incredibly painful. Betrayal can feel like a knife in the heart, and it can be so hard to allow ourselves to fully feel the pain of somebody we trusted breaking our heart. So please be kind to yourself as you're healing from betrayal, as you're healing this pain from a broken heart, because healing from broken trust is an opportunity to get to know yourself better. And I think that's beautiful. It doesn't mean it's easy. It doesn't mean it's easy to allow yourself to sit with that pain and to sit with the parts of you that are still hurt from these experiences. I think from your question, a lot of the experiences you described take time to heal from. We don't just get over them. It can take years. And I don't say that to scare anybody. I'm on my healing journey. I'm humble over here. I'm admitting that I am healing alongside you. I do not preach that I am healed. I am here to assist you on your healing journey and to guide you to connect back to yourself, because what I found throughout my healing journey is that the only one who has the answers is me. And that each time I connect back to myself, I get to know myself better. I think that's what I love about healing also is that the depths of my soul are infinite. I am always getting to know myself better. There is no end game here. It is a journey home to self, because we are part of the divine, we are part of God, which is an infinite source. That to me is so cool. We get to spend our lives getting to know ourselves, getting to know our hearts. I just share that because I think that as you're healing, it's important to remember the big picture and also to allow yourself to feel all the human feelings. So I hope that was helpful. And my third piece of advice is to work on building trust with yourself. So not only does it take time to build trust with others, but it also takes time to learn to trust ourselves. And many times when we blame ourselves for the broken trust of others, the person we also feel broken trust with is ourselves. We feel as though we can't trust our own judgment. We can't trust ourselves, we can't trust our feelings. And so when we're healing broken trust, it's important to also heal that broken trust with self. Because healing trust with yourself takes time as well, right? As we discussed, building trust is slow, it takes time and it's through small actions. And so you want to work on building trust with yourself, being really honest with yourself. How often do you make promises to yourself that you don't keep? Do you tell yourself every Monday that it's going to be a new week and then you keep replaying the same patterns? There's nothing wrong with that, but you're breaking that trust with yourself. Do you tell yourself that this week you're going to go to the gym three times and you don't go to the gym at all? Again, there's nothing wrong. We don't want to judge ourselves, but it's important to be honest with ourselves. And I think that a way to build trust with ourself is to keep the promises we make to ourselves and also to apologize to ourselves, to write in a journal or to sit in meditation or just to say out loud, hey, Self, I'm really sorry I didn't do those things I said I was going to do this week. Why didn't I do those? Get self reflective, get to know yourself, but be honest with yourself. Don't judge yourself. Don't berate yourself because you didn't do what you said you were going to do But be honest with yourself and apologize to yourself. You deserve your own apologies, forgiveness and love as well. And I think that when we're building trust with ourselves, it's important for us to really learn how to be honest with ourselves, which I don't think a lot of people are honest with themselves. Other ways to continue to build trust with yourself is to be kind to yourself, be your own best friend, be somebody you want to hang out with. That is huge for building trust with yourself. You want to know that you are a safe place. And so when you're building trust with yourself, it's really practicing being mindful and being kind to yourself. Also to start bringing awareness to why you do the things you do, not judgment as we talked about, bring curiosity. Just start to ask yourself if there's a certain behavior that you maybe don't love about yourself. Start asking yourself why you do it and then see if you can love it about yourself depending on what it is. And also, as I mentioned, to be honest with yourself, I really think that practicing self honesty is really important for building self trust. And I really believe that the more you get to know you, the more your self trust will build. And the more you trust yourself, the more you will be able to trust others. So if you want to start exploring self trust, these are a few questions I came up with to assist you. These will also be on my website at newviewadvice.com/67 And so some questions I thought that could help you to begin looking at your relationship with trust are when you think of being betrayed, where do you feel it in your body? Is there an aching in your chest? A pit in your stomach? Does your body get tight? Spend time reflecting on where you feel betrayed in your body. When was the first time you remember being betrayed? Explore this memory and any emotions that come to mind. What are some characteristics you look for when choosing who you trust? Is it a gut feeling? Do you trust one gender more than others? Do you look for certain words? Explore how you decide to trust someone each time you have felt betrayed? What stories have you began to tell yourself? Write these down and begin to explore if these are actually true. So these are just some questions to help you to start thinking about your own relationship with trust. And as I mentioned in the episode already, I really recommend Daring Greatly for you. I think this book could be really helpful in your healing journey. Brene Brown really dives into vulnerability and how to be vulnerable and how vulnerability is connected to trust. So I think that that could really help you along the way. And so I just wanted to say, before I wrap up this question that you are worthy of relationships with trustworthy people. And not everyone along the journey will be worthy of your trust, but there are many, many people who will be. And I know how hard it is to heal from broken trust. And I am sending you so much love as you continue to heal. Thank you so much for this question.
Amanda Durocher [00:22:48]
Hi, I'm 37 and do not know if I'm married anymore. I came across your website looking for tips on how to self heal through journaling and the next thing I knew I was listening to the podcast and writing like crazy. So here is my story. Days before our anniversary, I discovered my partner of eleven years, husband of six months, has been cheating on me for the last four years with erotic massages. We went from finalizing our big wedding day that was only three months out in Cancun to me calling it off and now selling my wedding gown. He even went as far as recently baby planning with me and my OB. Some say it's not really cheating if he didn't actually sleep with someone else. I see it as he cheated and he does too. Not once, but over and over. That to me is a pattern. He allowed someone other than his partner wife to touch him when he vowed I would be the only one. I am so unsure of so many things now. I'm trying to figure out if I should pick up the pieces solo, which I know I can do or actually be able to make it work with him. We have been through so much from dating, living together for years. Him mending me back to life, from back surgery to this. I'm someone who already had trust issues from when I was younger with my dad and wholeheartedly allowed myself to trust this man. And to have this happen has completely broken me. I guess my question is can someone who has done this for so long really change? Can I truly be able to trust myself again in trusting someone who has completely broken my heart? Thank you so much for this question. First, I want to say I am so grateful that you found the podcast and the resources on the website to be helpful. I am so glad that those are able to help you on your healing journey because this sounds like a really challenging situation. You are navigating and I'm so sorry to hear that this is something you've experienced in your relationship. I think for if it's cheating or not, it's entirely unique to each situation. So it's based off how you feel. So if you feel like it's cheating, it is cheating. I think that that's so important to recognize for a lot of people. So I just wanted to mention that here because I think that if it feels like cheating, it's cheating. I think we have to respect what other people view as cheating and I think we have to just listen. When people share experiences like that, it sounds like you may have received some judgment from others who are like, oh, that isn't cheating. And your experience is real, right? You know what's real for you and your partner knows what's real for you. He agrees with you. So I just want to offer that if you're in a spot where you're like, is this cheating? Is this not cheating? Because I receive that question a lot in my inbox. Is this cheating? Is this not cheating? I really think it's cheating if it feels like cheating. And I think. A reason it can feel like cheating is because you feel like your trust was broken. So I just want to honor anybody navigating that that honor how it feels to you. And if it feels like cheating, it is cheating. So honor what your heart is speaking to you. So to answer your question, I do believe someone who's played out a pattern can change. We talk about that a lot here on the podcast. I believe we all have the power to change any of our behaviors, but it will be his decision, not your decision. And it's going to be up to if he wants to and if he's willing to change and if he's willing to do the work. I also know that change doesn't happen overnight. And to change a pattern like the one you mentioned, it would likely take your partner husband doing a lot of inner reflection and possibly working with a professional such as a therapist or a coach to assist him in looking at this pattern, how it started, what need, it may have been filling. And when I say need being filled, I find that a lot of times when people cheat, they cheat because there's a need missing in the relationship. And I have worked with a lot of people and the need has never been a lack of sex. It's never been sex that's the need being filled. It's often an emotional need or from an inner child pain. But I find that cheating can sometimes be a coping strategy. It's a way we escape, it's a way we check out from life, it's a way we numb things going on. And so it oftentimes doesn't even do with the partner. It doesn't mean the partner doesn't have things to heal, change and look at within the relationships. But oftentimes cheating is so much more complicated than somebody just going outside a relationship just looking for sex or looking for erotic massages. Oftentimes it's a coping strategy to fill a deeper inner wound. And through my work I've seen these inner wounds ranging from so many different things. But it really just never is just about the sex. It's so often about people acting out from a wounded place, right? So I think it's important to see that when talking about infidelity. And so yes, I believe he can change, but it's only a choice he can make and you can't make it for him. And it may take time, right? So healing takes time. And I think sometimes we forget when our partners are healing too, that it's going to take them time. So people listening to this podcast may be the person who's started their healing journey first in a relationship. I know that was true in my case. And when my partner started to look at things in his life and start to heal, I wanted him to just quote, unquote, catch up to me, like be where I am. But the journey takes time. For everybody, right? And oftentimes I look at his journey and I can see my own journey in his journey, and it's just a reminder to be patient with people while they're healing. We can't rush the process and people can change, but you have to be the judge of one if you're willing to rebuild this relationship, because you will be rebuilding this relationship probably from scratch. If you haven't listened to episode 51 with Andrea Giles, we talk a lot about that throughout that episode, where we talk about how when infidelity happens, it's creating a relationship. 2.0. You're creating a whole new relationship. You also have to decide if you're willing to be patient. Do you want to be there for your partner as he heals from this? That's only a decision you can decide. And you also have to decide if you will be marble to rebuild that trust or if it's completely broken. And so these are just questions to begin asking yourself, and there's no right or wrong answer. You can always try to rebuild the relationship, and you'll see if it works out. I think we put so much pressure on ourselves is this right? Is this wrong? And sometimes just taking an action forward can be that step that tells us a lot about what we're going through and what our heart is asking for and what our heart needs. And so for your question of whether you can trust your partner again, which in a sense is asking whether you should stay or leave the relationships, one of my core beliefs is that we all have the answers we seek, but we need to really get in touch with our hearts to figure it out. So, as I was just saying, I invite you to get clear on what you need in the relationship and what steps your partner is taking to work on himself. And if you're willing to rebuild that relationships together. As I mentioned, these are just really answers only you have. Because your heart will know what you need moving forward. And so for your second question, yes, I do believe that you'll be able to trust yourself and trust your decision in trusting someone, if it's this person or if it's someone else. As I mentioned in the previous question, not only do you need to rebuild trust with your partner, but you likely need to rebuild trust with yourself as well. And that's what it sounds like here, because you're not sure if you can trust yourself. And when we experience betrayal, we feel broken from every angle. And throughout this process, I believe as you heal, you will know what is right for you. And you'll also form a deeper connection with yourself by rebuilding that trust with yourself. And when making this decision, if you want to stay or leave, it's really continually checking back in with you, not with your partner. What do you need? Are you willing to do the work are you willing to stay or are you ready to leave? Are you looking for a new chapter with a new person? As I mentioned, there's a right or wrong answer. So I think you just really want to start connecting back to yourself. And throughout my life, I have trusted many people who are not trustworthy. But throughout my healing journey, I have learned discernment. And discernment is the ability to perceive, understand and judge things clearly, especially those that are not obvious or straightforward. Discernment is a skill we learn as we are healing so many times. Our past beliefs, our feelings, our traumas, our need for love clouds our judgment. And it's a reason we give our trust away too easily or we don't give our trust away at all. And as we heal, we develop the ability to discern situations. We learn to trust ourselves. We learn to trust the red flags, we learn to trust our gut. We learn to lean into vulnerability. And on the other hand, when to slow down and when to pull back. And this all happens with practice. And that's how we develop trust. And that's how we develop discernment. I think discernment is so important when healing. I think that many people lack discernment. It's really that step back judgment, the one that is able to look at the situation without all those emotions, without all those beliefs, without that trauma, without that inner child screaming. It's that part of you that's able to pull back and look at the situation and make a clear headed decision. Discernment is so important to navigate the world, and it's a skill developed throughout the healing journey. And I believe that so many of us want to know the magic way to know who to trust, who not to trust and when. The truth is, it's often through these moments of heartbreak that we learn so much about our ability to trust, where we develop that skill of discernment, where we get to know ourselves. And it's through practice and through experience that we really develop those skills on learning who to trust and who may not be trustworthy. So to answer your question, yes, I know that you can trust yourself. And I invite you to be intentional with your decisions and to develop that skill of discernment. And through this, you will know in your heart what decisions are right for you and if this relationship is right for you and what you need moving forward. And if you decide to stay with your partner, remember that metaphorical marble jar we talked about earlier? And your marble jar may be on empty. I think that big moments, big betrayals can empty the marble jar. And so life isn't a Romcom movie where somebody does some grand gesture and fixes everything. It's built through those small actions, those small actions every day, right? One marble at a time. So don't rush the process and let your intuition and your heart guide you. Before I wrap up this question, I did want to mention that I think it's interesting that you mentioned having trust issues with your dad. So while bringing awareness and healing your relationship with your partner and with yourself, I do invite you to dive into this relationship you mentioned, and I wonder if that's triggered by this incident and if you could bring healing to that childhood wounding alongside healing this relationship. And last week I did an episode called The Father Wound Episode 66, and I invite you to take a listen to that episode to see if maybe something resonates with you there. Because I find that a lot of times our romantic partnerships trigger those childhood wounds, right? So this may be an opportunity for you to dive deeper with that inner child healing as well, to really honor and witness the experience you had with your father when you were younger alongside healing your current relationship. So I truly believe you will develop this trust with yourself. You are worthy of trusting yourself. You're worthy of building beautiful, trusting relationships with others. And I just want to honor your journey, honor you and where you're at. I am so grateful that you wrote this question in and that you are on your healing journey and that you are looking at this from an aware perspective, from a heart centered perspective. I think that the healing journey is a courageous journey, and I am so grateful to everyone who is doing the inner work, because I truly believe that the more we all dive into the inner work, the more peaceful and beautiful this world will be. So thank you so much for this question. I hope something in this answer was helpful. I am sending you so much love. Thank you so much for tuning into another episode of New View Advice. As always, I am so grateful to be here with you and to have conversations about different topics each week. I'm so grateful we got to talk about trust this week. If you haven't already, I invite you to leave a five star rating and a review. You can leave a rating on Apple or on Spotify. Ratings and reviews really help to bring more people to the podcast and help people to know that this is a safe space to have tough conversations. So I am so grateful for everyone who has left a review. I always read them. I am so grateful to each and every person who takes the time to write a review or to leave a five star rating. So thank you to everyone who has left a review. Thank you for tuning into another episode of New View Advice. As always, I hope I was able to offer you a new view on whatever you may be going through. Send you all my love. See you next time.
